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‘But you’re not a stranger, are you?’
His midnight kiss whispered its treachery into her ear. ‘As good as.’
Callum didn’t think for a moment that she believed that. He was pretty certain she was as aware of the tension between them as him. But she had a valid point. Why was he unburdening himself to her? He hadn’t spoken to anyone about the emotional roller-coaster of the last couple of years.
People had been so concerned that he was going to fall apart after the death of Annie that he’d been working double time to prove to everyone that he was OK. Even when the leukaemia whammy had been served up to him he’d soldiered on, pretending he was fine. Being strong for Tom. For Annie’s parents.
They’d been devastated. They were elderly and he knew that life had thrown them one too many curve balls when Tom had become ill. He’d made sure he’d kept himself together for them especially. Between them and Tom and well-meaning friends, he hadn’t had any time to dwell on the unfairness of the hand life had dealt him.
Maybe it was because Hailey wasn’t going to fall all over him and shower him with pity. Maybe her reluctance to get involved with him and Tom made her a perfect sounding board. Maybe she was right, and the stranger factor removed any need to mentally edit his words. Or maybe he was just over burying it inside and she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
‘I used to watch him during the night. Watching his little chest rise and fall. Rise and fall. He’s such a shallow breather. I was terrified he’d just stop.’
‘You couldn’t have got much sleep.’
Callum laughed and took a pull of his beer. ‘No. I don’t think I’ve slept a full night in six years.’
‘You didn’t sleep well after…after your wife…I’m sorry, I don’t know her name.’
‘Annie.’
‘After Annie died?’
Callum looked at her. ‘You know, you’re about the only person who’s spoken her name to me in years. They usually just fade off or say er and um a lot while they look at their feet.’
Hailey gave a ghost of a smile. ‘I suppose people don’t want to upset you.’
‘I suppose.’
They were silent for a few moments. ‘What was she like? Your Annie?’
He looked down at his hands. He hadn’t spoken about her in such a long time to anyone. ‘Incredible. Vital. Funny. Strong. She fought. She fought hard. Even right at the end she was positive. Cracking jokes and telling everyone it was going to be OK. Trying to make it easier for me and Tom.’
He was silent for a while and Hailey felt humbled by the ghost of Annie. She hadn’t fought. She’d run away. She hadn’t been strong. She’d been weak. Maybe she should have fought harder? ‘How did you meet?’
‘At uni.’ He smiled, remembering. ‘She was a philosophy major. She thought all med students were egomaniacs.’
Hailey laughed. ‘She was wise, too.’
Callum smiled as memories tripped through his head. ‘She certainly put me through my paces.’
‘She sounds amazing.’
‘Yeah. She was. I just wish…’
Hailey didn’t need to hear his wish. He was still in love with his wife, that much was obvious. Just like Paul had still been in love with his.
‘By the time we discovered her cancer it was already in her bones and liver. In fact, jaundice was her first symptom. It was so futile. But she was determined to soldier on, to do things for herself, to not let me see how scared she was. Still, there were times when she didn’t know I was watching that she would hold Tom and look at him with this expression…knowing…knowing she was dying and she wouldn’t be around for him.’
Hailey watched him, his head downcast. She could only imagine how awful it must have been for Annie to know she was never going to see her son grow up. ‘It must have been a very invasive carcinoma,’ she said quietly.
‘It was.’
‘Her pregnancy hormones must have had an impact on its growth.’
‘Yep. Accelerated it tenfold. She was dead four months after diagnosis.’
‘Callum.’ She reached out and touched his arm. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Callum nodded. There wasn’t much else to say. Life sucked sometimes. He knew that better than most.
‘So,’ Hailey said, rousing them both from their thoughts. ‘You haven’t slept much since Annie died?’
Callum rubbed his hands over his scalp and laughed at her abrupt change of conversation. ‘Tom had reflux. And colic. And was a night owl. I walked a lot of floorboards and bought a lot of useless, unnecessary late-night infomercial rubbish.’
