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“No.” I trembled, slowly turning my head, and stared out at the water.
“It was horrific,” she replied. “That year I think the dam had been damaged, caused by the hard winter we got. The tide was a lot higher than normal, and when you went into the river, you slipped, went down the rapids into the big pond. You hit your head pretty bad.” Cassie’s head tilted slightly as she observed me.
I rubbed the scar on the side of my head. Flashes of that day came back to me. “A boy saved me.” I looked up at her, remembering.
“Yeah, I believe he was given a medal from the Ma
yor for his bravery.” She nodded. “I can’t remember his name, though.” She tapped her index finger against her lips. “I think it was—”
“Matthew,” I gasped, and then smiled.
Cassie’s head jerked in my direction.
Her mouth gaped. “No… you think it was the same Matt?”
“Only one way to find out.” I shrugged, puckering my lips.
“We’ll go there right after we are done here,” Cassie said.
The newspaper archives at the city hall library would give me the answers I needed. After I took a few more snapshots of the waterfall, we made our way back to Cassie’s car.
The librarian took us to the archive section of the library. Cassie started with the Tribune first, as I searched the Portland Star. She ended up finding it first.
“Here it is ,” she said, tapping me on the shoulder. I moved over to her table, leaning closer to the screen. The picture was in black and white, but those eyes were unmistakable.
“It’s him,” I gasped, covering my gaping mouth.
The picture also included his parents and the mayor. “I don’t believe it.” Tears filled my eyes. “I don’t know if this makes me feel better or worse.” I covered my face with my hands.
“Why does it make you feel worse? It was fate that brought you two together,” she said, taking me in her arms.
“Because it was my fault he died, Cassie.” I sobbed on her shoulder. Cassie rubbed her hand down the back of my head, comforting me.
“Don’t be silly, Lauren.”
“It was.” I sniffed back the tears and pulled back a little. “We were fighting the day of the accident. I had accused him of cheating on me and then showed up at his work unannounced.” I paused to wipe my nose. “I couldn’t have been more wrong. He was so furious with me that he didn’t notice the red light he drove through. That’s when a transport truck Tboned us.”
“I’m sorry, Lauren.” Her eyes widened, staring at me, speechless. “What made you think he was cheating?”
I shook my head regretfully. “My friend Billie. She put it in my head that his late nights were because of another woman.” I covered my face, embarrassed. “She got me worried for nothing.” The anger that had festered began to pour out. “But I couldn’t help but believe her when he started to forget that we had plans. He also bailed on me when we were supposed to go to Mom’s for Thanksgiving.” I sat back in the chair, resting my head in my hand. “That was the last straw for me. I had been so upset for weeks that I came up with the bright idea to show up at his work, try to catch him in the act. Boy was I embarrassed when I walked in. He was in a meeting with his editing team.”
“Oh, Lauren.” She sucked in air through her teeth.
“Yeah, I know. Right?” I scoffed, shaking my head. “What I didn’t realize was that during their meeting they had been drinking champagne in celebration. I don’t even know what was being celebrated. He never got the chance to tell me.” The tears were effortlessly falling now. Breathlessly I continued. “The toxicology screen showed he was over the legal limit, and the cops tried to blame the accident on him.”
“Still, that doesn’t make it your fault.” She tried to hug me.
“You don’t understand, Cassie. If I had not shown up, he would have taken a cab home,” I cried.
Talking about this was tearing me up inside. It had been a year since I spoke of him so freely. Cassie held me, letting me cry it out, not sure of what to say. For the past year I had blamed myself for his death. If he hadn’t been driving that night, then he would have still been alive. As I pulled away wiping my face, Cassie folded her hands in her lap.
Then she said, “I understand why you blame yourself, but, honey, it’s not your fault, and if Matt was here right now, I bet he would tell you that.” I tried to smile but instead started crying again. “Enough of this sad song.” She brushed away the hair stuck to the sides of my face. “We need to get you in a better mood.” She kissed my cheek. We put everything away then she turned off the microfilm reader, and pulled me up to my feet.
I didn’t want to tell Cassie that having lobster was the last thing on my mind. Instead, I suggested eating dinner with my mom since I wanted to go home and change anyway. Cassie decided she would go home too. My emotional state was more than she was used to. I was never the girl who cried on everyone’s shoulders. That’s what she used to use me for.
“I’ll be back at nine to get you, and you better not be asleep.” She chuckled as she leaned over to give me a hug.
“I won’t. I promise.” I laughed, and then climbed out.
