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“Andrea…” he said at last. “I need you to know something. I’m not like Randall.”
I let out a little chuckle. “That good or bad?”
“Both,” said Holden. “As crazy and restless as he is, some of those traits actually help him out in life. He has the uncanny ability to move on quickly. He doesn’t dwell on things…”
I cupped my mug, absorbing its warmth. Still I said nothing.
“Randall was surrounded once,” said Holden. “He got separated from the unit, back in Bosnia. This was after heavy fighting. We were all spent and ragged. Waiting for extraction…”
He took a long pull from his coffee before going on. He also still hadn’t looked at me.
“Anyway, he fought his way out of a warehouse with only twelve rounds, surrounded by seventeen insurgents,” said Holden. He paused for a moment as his eyes searched the horizon, remembering. “Know how they knew there were seventeen?”
I swallowed dryly. “How?”
“Because they counted the bodies, afterwards.”
I stared down at my feet in silence. The whole thing was unfathomable.
“Randall slept like a baby when we got back that night,” said Holden. “He sleeps like that every night, because he never lets his work interfere with his life. Somehow he manages to separate those two things,” Holden went on. “His mind can do that. But mine can’t.”
I nodded, glumly. I was trying to show empathy, but I really could see where he was coming from. What he was saying about Randall was undoubtedly true. As for himself…
“I understand you having to dwell on it,” I said finally, “But you still can’t blame yourself for what happened.”
“I did at first,” Holden admitted.
“Randall said you saved lives,” I went on. “That without you, nobody would’ve gotten out. Not a single person. Including him.”
I finished talking, and finally he turned to look at me. I saw sorrow reflected in his eyes now. But thankfully, not pain.
“Randall keeps me grounded,” said Holden. “Every time I see him smiling, laughing, joking around… in the face of everything we’ve been through? It gives me hope. It makes me realize that maybe it wasn’t all for nothing. That the souls we lost would rather see me live my life, than beat myself up reflecting on it.”
I nodded and smiled. The sun was starting to feel good on my back as I slid my arm through his.
“Have you figured out what we’ve all got in common yet?” I asked.
Holden finished draining his cup, then shook his head.
“We’re all punishing ourselves for the past. For terrible things that happened to us, through no fault of our own.”
“Someone’s sure at fault though,” he pointed out bitterly. He crushed the paper cup in his hand and stuffed it into his pocket.
Kyrkos.
“We’d better head back,” Holden said abruptly. He stood up and stretched. “We can merge in with the morning crowd. Get through town unnoticed.”
My head was spinning from the small but powerful coffee. I still wanted another though.
“Go wake up the lumberjack,” I agreed. “I’ll grab more coffee for the road — some for him, too. It’ll help with the uphill walk.”
Holden considered saying something else but stopped. In the end, he only nodded.
“Fine, but hurry. We need to relieve Marcus.”
We walked the avenue again, this time at double-speed. People were milling around now. The quiet streets showed signs of life.
I found the same vendor as before, only this time on the opposite side of the road. I crossed over, splitting with Holden. He gave me a firm nod as he ducked into the inn.
