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“Dude, I’m sorry.”
This time I closed the workbook and pushed back in my chair. Calculus wasn’t my thing — never would be. But with the added distraction of the glorious events of the past couple of days—
“Maybe it’s me,” my classmate said. “I mean it’s one thing to understand this stuff, but it’s another to try and show someone.”
“No man,” I consoled him. “It’s not you.”
“I mean I’ve never taught anyone before. Maybe I just suck at it.”
“What are you studying to be?”
“A math teacher.”
I grimaced. Then laughed.
“Alex?”
“Alec,” he corrected me.
“Listen, trust me it’s definitely not you,” I said. “For one, I have a mental block on this stuff. I’m in my senior year with a three-point-five and I’ve been putting this requirement off the whole time. I knew I’d suck at it. So don’t blame yourself.”
My words seemed to cheer him up a bit. He tapped his pencil on the worn library table a few times.
“And two, I’ve been pretty distracted lately,” I admitted.
“Work stuff?”
“Nah.”
He nodded glumly. “Family then. I get it.”
“No,” I said, thinking. “That’s not it either.”
“Ah… a girl.”
A measure of silence followed as I considered his words. No, I thought to myself. Definitely not a girl.
A woman.
“Something like that, yeah,” I smiled.
Alec closed his own workbook and gathered up his things. Before leaving, he patted me awkwardly on the back.
“Well whatever it is you’d better get it straightened out fast,” he advised. “You don’t want to miss graduating because of this stuff,” he said, nodding toward my giant, 5-pound calculus tome. “Going one extra semester for a single course would suck.”
I thanked him again before watching him go. Alec was okay — a genuinely nice guy. I tried thinking about what I could do nice for him, in exchange for his help. Maybe take him shopping, and help break him out of his shell. Get him out of those same shirts and slacks he always wore to class, day in and day out.
Considering all the time he’d spent trying to drill this stuff into my brain, it was the least I could do.
“Shit.”
I sighed the word quietly into the mostly-empty campus library. The place was dead on Saturdays. Theoretically this made it a good spot for zero distractions, but no matter where I went there was no escaping the distractions in my own mind.
I had three, maybe four weeks left before finals. There was still time. The police applications would be reviewed in the next two to three months, and considering I’d aced the test twice it would look even more fantastic to put a BA in criminal justice on the application before turning it in.
Focus.
I laughed as I stood and scooped up the book. That was the hard part. Sharing an off-campus apartment with a couple of sophomores seemed like fun at the time, but it didn’t make for a good learning environment. I’d spent the last few weeks with a headset clamped against my ears, immersed in video tutorials, while they banged on my door urging me to party with them.
