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Predictably, Baby Girl growled.
“Whatcha got in there?” I asked, and Lexie offered me her mug, but there in front of her friends and my sister and the porcelain Rudolph statue on the corner of the desk, I kissed her. She was stiff, for just a second,to but then she sighed and kissed me back.
“Egg nog!” I said, licking my lips after we parted. “Dad’s?”
“Who else?” Kristen said and lifted a flask. “For the Jamboree. It’s cold out there.”
I grabbed the flask and tucked it in my coat. Lexie was flushed and sparkly eyed, and it wasn’t all from my kiss. “How much have you had of this on an empty stomach?” Dad’s eggnog was about a zillion proof liquor.
“Well, the cream in that thing counts as dinner.”
“You know it doesn’t work that way. Let’s go put some food in you. They have good stuff at the Jamboree.”
She bundled herself into her coat and I turned back to my sister. “How are things looking for the inn?”
“Well, we’ve certainly salvaged this season,” Kristen said.
“Do we still have to sell?” I asked.
Jasmine shrugged and looked at Kristen. “Would it be…” Kristen shook her head. “Never mind.”
“What?” I asked.
“I’m just…what if I stayed? Ran it?”
“Really?” I asked, thrilled at the idea. “You’re considering that?”
“I don’t know what I’m considering,” she said. “But…I don’t know. It’s not so bad here. There’s good coffee. Dad. Fun work—”
“Paul?” Jasmine waggled her eyebrows.
“Wow. You and a tree farmer?” I asked.
“It doesn’t make much sense, does it?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m beginning to think that if love makes sense you might be doing it wrong.”
“You ready?” Lexie asked, decked out in all her pretty white fur and her blond hair. In the few minutes I’d been chatting with my sister, Lexie had put bright red lipstick on and swept sparkly gold shadow onto her eyelids.
“You look beautiful,” I said, leaning in to kiss her again. She tilted her face and I got her cheek.
“It’s the lipstick,” she said. “It’s like paint, and if it gets on you, everyone will know we’ve been kissing.”
“I don’t care who knows we’ve been kissing,” I said. But the look on her face said she did. And I was being patient. I kissed her cheek again and then tucked her arm in mine.
“Bye girls,” she said over our shoulders with that little wave of her fingers and we headed out to my truck. It was hard remembering a time I’d been this happy. And I’d spent the last week keeping all of that to myself. But tonight the words just burst out of me. I opened the door to my truck and she climbed in but before shutting the door, I slid my hand over her knee.
“I’m really happy,” I said.
“Wow, you love this Jamboree, don’t you?”
“I love you.”
She pulled in a breath and the smile slipped from her face revealing all her fear. And fuck, it was a lot. I’d thought we’d been making a little progress, but maybe not. Patience, I thought. Just more patience.
I shut the door and ran around the front of the car and got in.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“What are you sorry for?” I asked, turning on the truck and the heat, making sure all the vents were blasting at her.
“That I can’t…I don’t…”
“Hey.” I stretched my arm across the back of the truck seat and twined my fingers through her ponytail. “You don’t owe me anything,” I said. “Those are my feelings. You don’t have to share them. And you’re not responsible for them.”
“But I don’t…not share them. You know?”
“Well,” I smiled at her, my heart full and worried at the same time. “That’s real progress.”
“Feed me,” she said. “I’m starving.”
I’d thrown her. And she wanted to balk, I could see it right away. She wanted to start a fight, not that we really did that. But she was bristly and strange, so I turned the music up and kept my hand on her knee and just let her ride it out. Get used to it.
There was no rush here. Even though I could feel the end of the holiday screeching up behind us.
But this wasn’t something I could rush. I understood that and I respected it.
We dropped Baby Girl off at home because it was too cold, and the process of dropping the dog was like leaving a toddler at daycare for the first time.
“You think she’ll be okay?” Lexie asked.
“Yep. I really do.”
We had to park the truck a few blocks from the square. It was a cold, clear night and everyone seemed to have had the same idea about going to the Jamboree. We hopped out of the truck and followed the lights and sounds to the square, which was bustling with people.
I felt the familiar lump in my throat. A kind of pride and happiness. I loved this place and these people, and I really loved this Jamboree. And sharing it with Lexie felt better than I could have ever dreamt.
