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“I guess so,” I reply, not interested in picking a fight. I’m angry as hell at him. He’s the reason I can’t get my lucky break and finally get the woman I’m interested in. I could punch him to a pulp at this point. But I have to stay calm if I ever want to get somewhere with Zooey. Given her reactions to the events of the past few days, she would never forgive me for making everything worse.
“You alright?” Lawrence asks me, clapping a hand onto my arm. “You seem a little down.”
“Maybe I’m sick or something,” I say lamely. Sick of this shit is the part I don’t add. I feel like I’m living a lie in front of everyone. It’s not like me to be like that. It makes me feel nauseous to be lying about myself, but for Zooey’s sake it has to be done.
“Well get a beer down you, brother. You’ll feel better.”
Lawrence heads over to the nearest ice bucket and fetches me a drink. I take it moodily and hope it’ll be enough to make him go away. Lawrence has had no problem ignoring me over the course of the past few days, so why should things change now? But he looks as though he’s getting comfortable, staring into the distance as he stands beside me.
“You know...I’ve realized over the past few days that something is missing from my life. I’m having a great time tonight, everything is going well...but there’s a part of me that knows that I’m not fully fulfilled. Do you know what that’s like?”
I shrug, but of course I do. I’m literally going through that by not having his daughter with me. She’s the thing I need to make myself feel right about life. I know I’m the missing piece in her life too, even if she won’t admit it to herself yet.
“What do you think it is, Wes? Because I haven’t got a clue.”
“Family. It’s family,” I say bluntly. “You’ve had four divorces. You’ve never let yourself fall for someone for real. You don’t care about others. And you’ve distanced yourself from your daughter. I don’t know how you expected to feel like you have your shit together when you’ve never put in the hours to have a real family.”
Lawrence blinks several times in surprise. “Do you think that’s true? Am I that bad a father?”
I don’t say anything. I’m furious at how oblivious he is. How can he think he’s been a good father? He’s had twenty-one years to make Zooey a part of his life, and he’s only started putting effort in now. It’s minimal effort at best, too. I wonder if he’s picked up on the fact that he’s spent his ‘quality time’ with her ignoring her and fobbing her off on his best friend? No wonder she thinks he’s a shitty father. How thick can he possibly be? I want to shake some sense into him. I’m a good man, and he’s standing in the way of everything I want. How is that fair when he’s such a fucking imbecile?
“Wow, I never thought of it like that,” Lawrence continues without me answering him. He’s staring into the distance again. “I only want what is best for Zooey, after all. I might not have been around that much, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care. I’ve been busy-”
“Busy ploughing through four shitty marriages,” I say under my breath, but Lawrence, being the narcissist he is, is too wrapped up in his monologue to hear me.
“-I’ve spent so much time on the business and trying to build a life...it never really occurred to me that I was failing as a Dad. I text her sometimes...maybe I don’t call every day, but she’s a grown ass woman. She doesn’t need her Dad hanging around her all the time. Does that make me such a bad person? I mean, really?”
“Maybe you need to stop making so many excuses for your behavior,” I say as calmly as I can. I’m trying to keep my voice level, but it’s hard when I’m fantasizing about punching him in the throat. “She’s a good girl. She deserves an apology, and she deserves a change of heart from you. It’s not enough to invite her to your party. It’s not enough to text once in a blue moon. Can you really not see that?”
I’m starting to question why I’ve been friends with this man for this long. Sure, the business has been the glue that holds us together. Sure, everything between us is low-maintenance, and maybe that works for me. But seeing how shitty a father he is, seeing how self-obsessed he has become, I can’t stand to even look at him. When did I start to see my best friend as such a villain, and why not sooner?
