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Before
I got with Monterius, I had a subtle little vibe about me. I was chill, I hardly got out of character, none of that. I had a few homegirls that I kicked it with, I would probably entertain a few niggas, and that was it. Yeah, I had little boyfriends in the past, but it was nothing serious. I was only twenty-four years old, so my dating history with men wasn’t that long.
I didn’t get my first real boyfriend until I was sixteen. Truth was his name. The first nigga to break my heart too. I mean, I should have known, though. At the time, I was a junior in high school, and Truth was a senior. Fine ass nigga too. All the girls wanted him. He was on the basketball team, the best player in the county, and he knew that.
When I was in high school, I used to be on the dance team, and he approached me one day after practice. He wasn’t even on no flirting shit; he really just wanted to know about tryouts for the next season. His female cousin would be entering high school the next year, and she wanted to try out for the team. From then, he would always find a way to have a conversation with me, asking me stuff that he could easily get the answer to from someone else. It was cute, though, because I could tell that this was actually new to him. He was probably used to other bitches just flocking to him, so he really didn’t know how to approach someone he really wanted.
Eventually, phone numbers were exchanged, and he became someone I would talk to in the mornings before school, and at night before I went to sleep. I was sixteen, and a bitch was in love, okay! He had a car, so he would pick me up, and we would go on dates and stuff. Because he was a senior, when prom came around, he asked me to be his date, and of course, I went.
My mama and I were cool. At times, she was damn near a sister to me. She knew that I was a virgin at the time, so she told me not to lose it to him because he was going to break my young ass heart, but I didn’t listen. Hmmmm, he fucked me so good in that hotel suite that night. I remember the first five minutes being so uncomfortable and the unbearable pain because of his size. But once I relaxed and was able to take the dick, it was the best feeling in the whole world. For hours and hours, he fucked me silly in that room. Every day after that, he would pick me up to take me to his house, so we could have sex.
The heartbreak didn’t come until the following week. The nigga popped up on me literally out of the blue to let me know that he was leaving the next morning to go to college and play ball. He had a full ride to Duke University. Not only did he leave, but he broke up with me too. I swear, I cried about the shit for months. He broke my heart, just like my mama said he would. Years later, Truth is now playing professional basketball for the Lakers. He’s just as handsome as he used to be, if not more handsome, but that’s the past.
After him, I entertained other people, but when Monterius and I finally started kicking it, I was smitten over his good dick ass! I’ve known Monterius for years. That was Billion’s best friend, so he’d always been right there. We never crossed that line because, for the longest, I just never viewed him in that way. He would always crack on me, saying that I had the body of a little boy, so I knew he didn’t view me in a sexual way either.
After high school, a bitch’s hips started spreading, and my ass got a little fatter, so the nigga couldn’t help himself. I think the biggest mistake I ever made in life is when I sat on his dick for the first time. I was serious when I said that I could see myself killing his ass. You know how many guns I done pulled out on this nigga or how many times I done pulled a knife out, trying to cut his ass to death. The nigga was going to make me lose the last bit of self-control that I barely had left.
The thing with Monterius is that he was such a bad ass liar, and he was a sloppy ass cheater at that. It could be that or the fact that I wasn’t some dumb ass bitch. My mama raised me, one of the hoodest bitches in the world, so I was twelve when she schooled me to the game. This nigga couldn’t run game on me. I could tell from the difference in the way the passenger seat was adjusted if he had a bitch in the car. The thing is, I get it, he was only twenty-seven, and at that age, a lot of niggas weren’t ready for commitment, so that part was understandable. What I didn’t understand was the fact that I be telling this nigga to go, leave me the fuck alone, and entertain them bitches, but he claimed that it wasn’t them that he wanted. Instead, it was me.
Normani always told me that love wasn’t supposed to hurt, and I deserved better than Monterius. The thing is, I really loved this man, but as much as I loved him, I couldn’t let him continue to treat me the way he was treating me. I’m talking about cheating. Every time I found out about a different bitch, I loved the nigga less and less. Plus, I had Dream living with me, and I couldn’t keep exposing her to my toxic ass relationship.
There had been times when Monterius and I would be fighting in the wee hours of the morning, and Dream would come in the room, crying for us to stop. She had walked in too many times and saw me either curled up on the bathroom floor crying or in my room crying. I was showing her an image that men weren’t shit and that all a man would do was break your heart, and at five years old, I didn’t need her to witness this. The little girl had already seen too much shit in the first place.
“There she goes right there.” I pointed in the direction of my sister. I could now see her along with the other women coming from the back.
A big smile formed on Dream’s face as she rushed to get up from her seat and ran over to her mother. I always told Dream to wait at the table until Loyal comes, but like always, the shit went in one ear and out the other. Dream was her mother’s twin, looking just like Loyal looked when she was her age. My sister and I had the same mama and same daddy, so ultimately, we looked alike too. We both had caramel skin, light brown eyes, and really long, thick hair. I liked to keep different wigs, never really wearing my natural hair because it was just too much to keep up.
Loyal often told me about the hair salon that they had in the prison, and judging by how long, thick, and healthy her hair was, you would think she just left the salon. She was dressed in gray joggers, with a gray shirt, sneakers on her feet, and her hair was parted down the middle. I found myself getting teary-eyed as I watched Loyal bend down to hug Dream. A tear did fall, but I quickly wiped it away with the back of my hand. This was so sad for me because I knew Loyal’s heart, and I knew that she was a damn good mother. She didn’t deserve this shit, but this was life. When you do the crime, you have to do the time.
“Girl, if you don’t stop that crying! Dream not even crying, and she’s the baby. Come give me a hug,” Loyal said in good spirits as she walked over to me, still holding onto Dream’s hand.
The closer she got to me, the more I realized that my sister was in there getting too damn thick, looking like Buffy the Body. I had always been the skinny sister, while Loyal was always the thick one. I would kill to have her body. Her shirt was tucked in the sweats that she was wearing, so I could see how small her waist was, then the spread of her hips, and from the front, I could just see already that her ass was huge.
We hugged, and I looked to see if a guard was watching before I playfully slapped her on her ass.
“Your ass is huge! What the hell are you in here eating?” I asked, making her laugh.
“Thanks to you, Monterius, and Chance keeping money on my books, I’m able to cash out and get all the snacks and shit I want. Chance came up here last week to see me. He was talking his shit, talking about I’m in here getting injections. This all me, though. You are so beautiful, sister. Look at you,” she said, running her hands through the jet black, blunt cut that I was sporting.
Not only could I come up with some bomb ass fashion details, but I also knew how to do my own hair, so I switched my style up at least every three days or so. The wigs that I would install on myself were glueless, so I never had to worry about losing my edges.
“Thank you, baby. You see Dream lost her tooth? It came out two days ago,” I bragged, looking over at my beautiful niece, who was sitting down next to her mother.
Her bottom tooth came out, and I had been bragging about it, telling everyone who would listen.
Dream flashed her pretty smile at her mother, showing her that she was missing one tooth on the bottom row. She was so adorable today in her denim dress with her pink Converse on her feet. I liked to keep protective styles in her hair, or even ponytails, so today, her hair was styled in some stylish Lemonade braids that I’d done for her a few days ago. I loved the outcome of her hair, but Lord knows I never loved the experience of doing Dream’s hair. She was very tender-headed, much like I was when I was a little girl.
“I saw. That’s what I was telling her when I saw her. How much the tooth fairy left for my baby?” Loyal asked Dream.
“One hundred dollars,” Dream boasted, making me shake my head.
That was Monterius’ ass. He was spoiling this little girl rotten.
Loyal looked at me with wide eyes at her revelation, and all I could do was laugh.
“Blame Monty,” I said, calling him by his nickname.
“What he’s doing? You ain’t still fighting with the nigga, are you? I done told you what to do,” Loyal started.
