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I knew she was about to go in on me, so I pulled out the dollars that I had in my back pocket and gave them to Dream, so she could get some stuff from the vending machines.
As soon as she left, Loyal started up.
“I love Monty for you. You know I look at that nigga as a big brother, but had I been outside of these walls, I would have shot the nigga because you letting him get away with too much! How many more bitches you going to let that nigga fuck on you before you realize it’s enough? Twinkle, look at you.
You are fuckin’ beautiful, you smart, and you got your own shit, so why stick around if you ain’t happy?” she asked.
I could hear how pissed off she was, which is why I didn’t want to talk about it. I cannot tell you the number of times that I’ve broken down over the phone to Loyal, telling her about Monterius’ and my problems. She was all riled up, and she didn’t even know the story yet. Knowing my sister, she could probably just read my vibes. I wasn’t myself this morning; I already knew that.
“He didn’t come home last night. He said that work ran over, but I don’t believe him. He didn’t come home until early this morning, around five. I been pissing so much these days, and when he came into the room, I was finishing up in the bathroom. He had a look on his face like he’d rather I had still been sleeping than up, catching him red-handed.
“I hadn’t seen the nigga in a whole day, so of course my dumb ass jumps on him. I get to kissing him, he’s kissing me back. Knowing that I was coming down here to see you today and that I wouldn’t see him until later, I try to get a quickie in. I’m in his arms, trying to get his dick out, and this nigga is stopping me. Monterius don’t ever turn down a quick fuck! Ever! Loyal, I feel the shit in my gut that he was out with a bitch last night,” I said, my voice cracking as I spoke because I was hurting.
I didn’t even want to talk about that shit in there, but Loyal brought it up. Not only was I hurting off that, but right now, I was sitting across the table from my sister, who had nine more years left to serve, so this shit bothered me. A tear fell from my eyes that Loyal reached across the table and wiped with her hands.
“You need to figure out what you want. I can tell that you ain’t happy. Twink, you’re dealing with someone heavy in the streets. Not only are you going to forever be in competition with the streets until he leaves that lifestyle alone, but from the sound of things, you’re going to be in competition with these bitches as well. Take it from me, sometimes you just gotta disappear on these niggas for them to finally find their fuckin’ common sense. There is no doubt in my mind that Monty loves you. The nigga adores you, but at the same time, he adores fuckin’ other bitches too. Find your happiness, sis. When’s the last time you had your period? You talking about pissing every second of the day, mixed with these crazy ass emotions, so I think you may be pregnant,” she voiced.
All I could do was shrug because I really didn’t know when was the last time I had my period. That had more tears sliding down my face because I didn’t want a baby right now. I could barely get this nigga to love me right, how the fuck would he love a child right?
“You got away with doing what you did the last time. If I was you, I wouldn’t try to pull that shit a second time, so if you are pregnant, you should let the nigga know. He’s crazy, and you know it. I ain’t trying to call home and find out that Monterius done killed your ass because you snuck and had another abortion. Just play it smart, Twinkle, okay?” she asked me.
All I could do was nod my head. I didn’t like to talk about the abortion that I had two years ago; I tried to act like it never even happened. In one breath, I found out that I was pregnant, then in the next, I got on Instagram, and another one of Monterius’ bitches was playing with me! She went on to post pictures and videos on her Instagram of her and my man together. I remember crying so hard and breaking down so badly in that bathroom that I really thought I was going to pass out. I went from being shocked about the pregnancy to angry that this nigga was cheating again. Then I became bitter and called down to an abortion clinic where I scheduled the appointment two days later.
Loyal was home at the time, so she accompanied me to the clinic and promised that she would never tell anyone about the abortion. I didn’t even tell my own mama about it, and I told that woman everything. Monterius never even knew that I was pregnant, let alone had gotten an abortion. Loyal was right; I would have probably been dead by now.
We didn’t get to linger on the conversation much longer because pretty soon, Dream ran over with all types of snacks in her hands. She handed her mother a couple of things, and me some things that I set off to the side because I didn’t have an appetite, and she had some stuff for herself. The rest of the visit, I just zoned out, letting Dream and Loyal entertain each other. Like all the visits, it went by so damn fast.
“Remember to drop her over to Chance’s house. He’s expecting her. I love you, sis. Be careful. Let me know what happens when you take the test. I’m going to call you tonight, so take it right after you drop off Dream. I want to know if I have a niece or nephew on the way,” she beamed. She whispered it so that Dream wouldn’t hear because she was at the age where she told everybody’s damn business whenever she heard something.
Like always, when it was Dream and Loyal’s turn to say their goodbyes, Dream broke down crying in the middle of the visitation room. She did this all the time, which is another reason why I hated having to bring her. Loyal ended up leaving, and I knew she did that because she didn’t want us to see her crying. My sister wouldn’t dare drop a tear in front of anyone. She just never showed any vulnerability, even though I knew that this had to pain her.
It was such a struggle to get Dream out and into the car, but eventually, I got it. I strapped her into her booster seat once she had calmed down. I knew she would sleep the rest of the drive home, which was cool because I needed the peace and quiet while I thought about what my next move was going to be, especially if my dumb ass was pregnant.
When I was thirty minutes away from Chance’s house, I sent him a text message to let him that I would be there soon. I didn’t want any communication with this nigga, but because we often had to come up with arrangements for Dream, sometimes we had to talk. Most times, though, it would be Loyal and him putting the arrangements together, which was good because it meant that I wouldn’t have to say shit to his ass.
Maybe I was wrong, but I felt like my sister withheld information so her nigga could get off scot-free. Then again, I just really didn’t know because Loyal was a street bitch, just like our mother, so I couldn’t see her being dumb like that for a nigga. The shit was done already, though; it was nothing that we could do. They handed down her punishment, and it was like we were all going through this with her. Yeah, physically, I was free, but mentally, I swear I was locked up in that cell with Loyal. I’ll never be the same until my sister came home.
As I crept up to Chance’s house, I saw him standing outside in front of his jeep, with his hands crossed. I wouldn’t even lie; Chance was very handsome. He had chocolate skin, stood about 6’6”, and he was solid too. He rocked a bald head, and he had a nice beard. Chance was dressed simply in a camouflage hoodie with black jeans and Timberland boots.
He acted like he was holding my sister down, but I knew that behind closed doors, he had to have been dogging Loyal. Dream would come back home to me and tell me that her daddy had a friend over. My sister was dealing with enough shit, so even if I found out some shit about her nigga, I didn’t even know if I would tell her because I would hate to hurt her like that.
I pulled my car right in front of the house, and as I did so, Dream finally woke up from her sleep. I stopped to get gas and everything, and she had slept through the whole thing. I watched her from the rearview mirror as her eyes lit up when she saw her father coming around to help her out of the car. She adored him, so that’s all that mattered. He was a good father, and I wasn’t sure why Loyal decided to have me be the one to raise Dream and not her father, but this arrangement was cool.
The area that Chance lived in wasn’t good at all, and I really didn’t like bringing Dream there, but Loyal insisted that her daughter have a relationship with her father. I couldn’t turn my nose up at the projects either because the projects pretty much raised me.
“Where are you taking her today?” I asked, sounding like a very overprotective aunt.
“Did she eat?” he asked as he grabbed Dream out of her seat.
“Just the snacks she had at the prison. She hasn’t h
ad a meal since this morning,” I told him.
“Cool. We gon’ go somewhere and eat then. Ima take her to the mall and shit to get her some new shoes for school, probably go see a movie or something, and then we’ll come back to the house. I’ll have her back to you in the morning,” he told me.
“Okay. Bye, Dreamy. I love you,” I said.
“I love you too, Auntie,” she cooed back to me.
