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“I’m screwing up, David,” she whispered to the water. “If you were still here, everything would be okay. You would know what to do about Victoria.” She scoffed at herself. “If you were here, this situation wouldn’t have happened in the first place. You would have dealt with Flynn before everything got out of hand. He would have listened to you. Everyone did. You had a way with people. Charming, you were so charming, David.”
She pulled her feet up onto the log in front of her and wrapped her arms around her knees.
“If you’d been here, we probably wouldn’t have had to sell the land to Flynn to start again. You would have thought of a way to keep the mushroom farm going, even after the cave-in.” She closed her eyes. “I’m so sorry, honey. I wish I could have saved your farm for you. I know how much it meant to you.”
She worked to steady her breathing for a minute or two. Listening to the water and the night noises as small creatures rustled through the edge of the wood.
“I kissed him,” she whispered.
The breeze on her cheeks was all the answer she received.
“I liked it.” She let out a long groan. “I feel as though I shouldn’t have liked it. As though I’ve been unfaithful to you. But you aren’t here, David. You left me, my sweet man. I miss you so much. I miss your arms around me. I miss your sweet kisses. I hate having another man’s kiss to compare to yours. I hate that I liked it so much. I hate that it made me feel. At the same time, I desperately want to feel like that again. Like I’m actually living my life, rather than treading water, trying to keep afloat, trying not to drown. I’m sorry about this too. I’m sorry I have to move on from you.” She let out a sharp laugh. “Although probably not with Flynn.” Her fingertips traced over her lips, as though it was possible to still feel Flynn’s touch there. “I did like his kiss, though.”
An owl cried out, breaking into the memory of Flynn’s warm, firm lips on hers. Of his taking control of the kiss, of her body, of her. It was delicious. More so, because she felt it was almost forbidden. Her heart had thudded with the teenage excitement of kissing a bad boy. What a cliché! She was a mother, with responsibilities, not a hormonally driven teenager with time to lust after an inappropriate boy. She had no time to think about kissing anyone. She had to focus on her daughter.
“Victoria wants Katy.” The words burned like acid in her throat. “Well, Mother wants Katy. Not to spend time with her, no, that wouldn’t be proper enough. She wants to send her to boarding school, teach her how to be a proper lady, raise her to be reserved and constrained—exactly as she did with me. It kills me to think it’s even a possibility.”
Abby put her feet down
and stared at the black water. The only light came from the moon above and the glow from the house behind her. The world was painted in shades of grey, and for some reason the lack of colour made it feel intimate. This place, this log, was the only spot where Abby felt like she was comforted. Here she could feel David with her. Here she could let go of her responsibilities and fears, if only for a moment. She gave voice to her worries. Only here, where there was no one to judge, or condemn, or to scare.
“I wish you could see Katy,” she said. “You would be totally in love with her. More than you were before you went away. She is priceless. Smart, funny, full of life and love. She makes me laugh, David, even when my heart is breaking or my stomach is roiling with fear. I never know what she’s going to say next, which could be a huge problem right now. I dread to think what she might tell Victoria. It will be a miracle if Victoria doesn’t condemn my parenting on Katy’s tales alone. I need to figure out a way to censor Katy. She’s so young. Too young to understand her words can be used against us. I don’t know what to do. I wish you were here to help me. I wish it wasn’t just me. Alone. Fighting everything alone.”
Abby stood, dusted off her dress and blinked back tears she didn’t have time to shed.
“I’m being pathetic. There’s no time to wallow in self-pity. There are things to deal with.” She smiled out over the water. “I wish she knew you, darling.” Her voice broke on the words. “I wish that the most. I wish she had you.”
She wiped a stray tear with the back of her hand as she turned to leave. She couldn’t stay away from the house too long. That would be irresponsible. And as much as Abby’s responsibilities pressed down on her, making her buckle under the weight, she couldn’t ignore them. No, she could never escape for longer than a few stolen minutes. With one last glance at the log that held so many of her private memories, good and bad, she crept silently back to her house. And back to the problems mounting as they waited for her to deal with them.
???
Flynn watched Abby walk back to her house. He hadn’t meant to listen. He’d intended to tease. To make her eyes blaze with passion and coax her into another kiss.
And then she’d started to talk.
At her first word, Flynn took a step back and let the darkness swallow him. Loneliness and fear oozed from her, like blood from a seeping wound. He was used to an Abby who was controlled, responsible and sensible. Not one who was scared of the future and insecure about herself.
And he was to blame.
There was no denying it. He’d been blamed for other people’s problems in the past. It didn’t have much effect on him. But this was something else. Something new.
He rubbed his chest where it started to ache. It took him a minute to realise why he was in pain. It wasn’t heartburn.
It was guilt.
7
“The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn’t move, kick it until it does.”
Phil Woosnam, former Welsh football player and manager
It was early. Too early for Flynn. Especially seeing as he’d been awake most of the night trying to come up with a way to help Abby—and hopefully get rid of the pain in his chest at the same time. His brother didn’t care about Flynn being knackered. Nope, Harry ignored his pleas and dragged him over to their parents’ house. Apparently there was a family meeting and his attendance was mandatory. Flynn didn’t understand why it couldn’t have waited an hour or two. At least until he’d had a pot of coffee and his brain was working properly. He never got up before nine unless he was training. Which meant he was never getting up before nine again. Now there was a cheery thought to start the day.
His brother, Harry, pushed him into his parents’ dining room and Flynn stopped dead. The room was packed. This couldn’t be good. There was Matt and his wife Jena, Harry and his fiancée Magenta, Claire and her fiancé Grunt. Seriously? Grunt? On what planet was Grunt an acceptable name? Flynn shook his head. His parents were there. His aunt Heather was there. The only one missing was Megan, the other half of the nightmare twins. Everyone in the room was frowning at him. Well, except for Magenta, she was grinning. It wasn’t pleasant. It was the same look he imagined on the face of Jaws just before he ate the boat captain.
“Got any coffee, Mum?” Flynn plopped into one of the two free chairs.
“Coffee later. Talk first,” his father said.
