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I smiled at the mention of leaving roses, pleased that he was trying so hard to win me back even if I didn't know if I would let myself go.
I texted him.
ELLA: I met with Marcella.
JOSH: And? I hope she cleared up a few facts.
ELLA: She did.
JOSH: So, what are your thoughts?
ELLA: I'm not sure. I need to think of things for a while.
JOSH: What things? You must know that after I met you, I didn’t want to meet any of Marcella's candidates. None of them compared to you.
I didn't know what to say in response, but it made me smile to myself. It was what Marcella had said, and it warmed my heart to see him repeat it.
JOSH: Ella… I've fallen for you. I think we're good together. I want us to give this – whatever it is between us – a real try. Come to Bali with me.
That confession – that he'd fallen for me – sent a jolt of desire through me. I actually closed my eyes and covered my mouth, because it made my heart tug, but I needed time.
ELLA: I need some time to process it all.
JOSH: Of course. Whatever happens, the tickets are still good for Friday so if you want to give this a real serious try, I'll be waiting at the Emirates Lounge, hoping you show up with only your bathing suit and a change of clothes along with you. Where we're going, it will be clothing optional most of the time and I intend to keep you very busy and very naked…
I smiled to myself. That prospect sent a surge of warmth through my body. I glanced up at the sky, grinning like an idiot. It was Tuesday. I had to work Wednesday and Thursday, but then I had Friday off until the following Wednesday. The ticket to Bali was for Friday at noon. We'd fly for hours with a layover in Saudi Arabia, and then we'd fly to Bali for three glorious days in an amazing resort. With our own pool and beachfront.
I didn't text Josh back because, as excited as I felt about Bali, I was still uncertain about whether I should go. I put my cell into my bag, and after it was almost dark, I went back to my apartment and found a bouquet of beautiful red roses at the front entry. I brought them inside and stood at my tiny sink, trying to decide what to put them in. The tallest glass I had was too short and frail to hold twelve roses. I remembered I had a big jar of Catelli Spaghetti Sauce for dinner the other night when I was dreaming of meatballs and made some. It was out in the recycling so I went downstairs to the back of the building and bent over the bin, fishing around in the old tin cans, the plastic bottles and soda cans, until I found it. I brought it back inside, washed it out and then cut each rose stem down so that all twelve fit inside and the jar didn't tip over.
I spent some time cleaning my tiny apartment to distract myself. I needed to talk to Steph, although I already knew what she'd say.
Regardless, I needed to hear it before I made my decision. As soon as I was finished cleaning, I'd call her.
My body said yes, my heart said yes, but my brain kept going over the fact that he felt out of my league and that maybe, I was jumping back into the fire too soon. I thought that a nice fling with a handsome boy-toy like bicycle courier Josh might be a way to get over Jerkface, but billionaire publisher mogul Josh felt like he was more than just a fling.
I could already feel my heart being taken by him, and was afraid he'd break it.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Joshua
I sat alone in my apartment and waited for her to reply, and say something about the flowers, but she didn't.
Discouraged, I went out and bought a carton of takeout fried chicken from a small place down the street. I grabbed a six-pack of beer from the corner liquor store and went back up to my apartment in the building by the park.
I could have been out with the boys from work, drinking at a classy bar, ogling the pretty women there, maybe picking one up for a night of easy meaningless sex, but somehow, that felt empty to me now. Sure, maybe it was what I enjoyed five years earlier, before I met and became engaged to Christie, but now?
It felt like a charade. Like an empty waste of time.
A bunch of lonely men pretending to be having fun, laughing it up, getting slightly drunk or stoned, when all we really wanted was something more. A deeper connection to someone who had your back, who looked forward to seeing you each morning and at who wanted to spend time with you at the end of each day. Where the sex wasn't meaningless, but was instead deep and intense because you knew exactly what did it for her and she knew what did it for you, and you both delivered.
I thought I had that with Christie, but I was self-deceived. I'd kept myself emotionally locked up ever since we split, and it was only running into Ella, and helpi
ng her out when she was in need, that opened me up again to how it felt to be human with another woman.
My cell dinged and I had to wipe my hands off quickly before picking it up off the coffee table to check it out.
ELLA: The flowers are lovely. Thank you. I put them in this spaghetti sauce jar because it was the only thing big enough to hold them without falling over. I actually had to go out back behind the building and get the jar out of the recycling bin. You can imagine me bending over into it, fishing around in the cans and jars, almost falling inside.
