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I'll come by later, Daddy. I prefer to walk.
The truth was, I couldn't face going to my apartment alone. I couldn't go to the library. I couldn't face work. Dawn's place was out of the question.
I called Lara.
"What's the matter now, Kate?" she said, her voice a bit impatient.
"Something happened. I just broke up with Drake but I'm afraid this person is going to hurt him no matter what I do."
She exhaled heavily on the phone.
"Meet me at the coffee shop. We'll talk."
By the time I arrived, my eyes were less red and she was waiting in the back for me. Her face betrayed her frustration or anger, I couldn't tell which.
I sat down, ordering some tea, and clasped my hands in front of me.
"My God, Kate," she said when she saw my injury. "What happened? Drake didn't do that, did he?"
"Lara, you won't believe it."
"Tell me what happened. I texted Drake but he didn't respond."
I sighed and recounted how we fell and I hurt myself. How he took me to the ER and how Dawn found me, and discovered that I went to the ER with Drake.
How I had to break it off with Drake because Dawn was hell-bent on telling my father.
"What is it with this person? Why do they want to
hurt Drake?"
I shook my head. "She saw her own sister abused." I told her about Dawn's family and how dysfunctional it was when she was growing up. "I think she judges everyone really harshly because she was judged harshly. She has no tolerance."
Then Lara's phone dinged and she picked it up, read something.
"Just a minute," she said, typing away on her keyboard. Finally, she put the phone on the table between us.
"You were saying? You broke up with Drake? Why? I thought you said things were good."
I shook my head. "The sex part was great. Better than anything I could ever imagine, Lara. This is just too much risk for Drake. I could never stand to live with myself if he was hurt because of me, because of my greed for him. But even more, I just can't do only sex. I'm not cut out for it. He doesn't want more. Considering all the shit he could get into because of me, I had to just make a clean break."
"It's probably for the best."
"You understand," I said, but my chest hurt. I covered my eyes, biting back a sob.
"I do understand," she said and took my hand. "This is my fault. The reason I chose Drake for you was precisely because he wasn't interested in anything long-term. I thought that was what you wanted as well. You know, just doing interviews, learning about the lifestyle. That's what you said to me…"
"I know I did," I said, feeling incredibly guilty. "I did say that. I meant it at the time. But Drake is so much more…" I closed my eyes, exhaling heavily. "I think I could fall in love with him. All I know is that it isn't enough anymore."
She nodded. "Nothing like a new Dom to wash away the taste of the old one. Listen, I can hook you up with a Dom who's looking for a life partner, if you'd like. Not every Dom is like Drake. Some want a relationship. Why don't you come to a fetish night with me? You could come under my protection and I could introduce you to a few Doms I know. Only the ones who are looking for a relationship beyond play. I already have someone in mind. His name is Steve. He's closer to your age. He's even in the arts – he does copy editing for a publisher. He's kinkier than Drake, but not a sadist. I know you're not into pain."
"I can't meet with anyone else, Lara. I can't even think of it."
"You were alone for what – a year before Drake? Don't you want someone else?"
I shook my head. "I want Drake. I can't have him. Not the way I really want him."
"Well, I offered. I still think you should come to a fetish night with me. There are lifestyle partners and there are lifetime partners. It is possible to meet someone who wants D/s and a real relationship. You won't find another man who will satisfy your submissive side outside of the lifestyle, Kate."
