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After walking a few blocks, needing the cold air to clear my head, I grabbed a taxi and told the driver the address on 8th Avenue. When I arrived, I stood on the street and glanced up at the top floor of the building. There were no lights on, and so I had no idea if he was even there or if that was a story he was telling me to keep me away.
Regardless, I had a key and so I went into the building and climbed the three flights to the top floor. I stood outside the door and listened, but there was no sound coming from inside.
I slipped the key in the lock and turned it – the chain lock was off, and so I suspected that he wasn't there. I entered, took off my boots and walked through the apartment, but it was empty. He either wasn't there yet or wasn't coming, and gave me that address to throw me off his trail.
I sat in the darkness on the old sagging couch in the cramped living room, surrounded by Liam's boxed possessions, and debated what to do. He could be anywhere. At a bar drinking with Dave, at some former submissive's apartment getting a condolence fuck. I had no idea where he might be. I didn't know him well enough to think of possible locations.
The 8th Avenue apartment held so many good memories for me. We'd met there when we were seeing each other in secret and it was there Drake introduced me to D/s, bondage and his desires. I'd been so happy with him once I stopped judging myself and let our relationship happen.
Now, I'd fucked it up thoroughly.
I went to the sound system and slipped a DVD into the player. It was a mix CD with music from the 60s – Drake's favorite. The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, The Yardbirds – I sat in the darkened apartment and listened to the music, thinking about Drake and his father and my heart ached with regret.
I tried to understand how Drake was feeling. He actually thought I'd fuck Kurt? How could he even imagine I'd do that? I was one of the least promiscuous women I knew of all my friends growing up. I could count my lovers on one hand. I was far too shy about sex to just sleep with
a man, even one I'd already had sex with.
Didn't Drake understand that? How could he begin to think I'd sleep with Kurt? Out of the blue?
I didn’t understand a man's mind if that was the case. I thought Drake was so intelligent and rational. I thought he knew me better than that.
If anyone was going to cheat, it would be him who grew tired of me.
I sat in the darkness and cried to myself, wiping away my tears. Now, I had no idea where Drake was or if he'd left me forever. I heard a blip on my phone indicating a text and grabbed my bag, rifling through the contents to find my phone.
It was my father.
Katie, where are you? Drake called here looking for you. It's not like you to take off and not tell anyone where you are. Are you two having a lover's quarrel? Is everything OK?
I'll tell you the same thing I told Drake – take my advice and make up quickly. Don't sleep apart because of a disagreement – not even one night. Your mother and I did that too many times and now I regret every night I spent away from her. As much as I love Elaine, your mother was the love of my life. I thought we'd grow old together. I had no idea she'd be taken from me so soon.
Text me as soon as you get this. And for God's sake, text Drake because he's very upset.
There was no text from Drake and so I wondered why he'd call my father. He must have gone back to the apartment in Chelsea and found that I wasn't there. He must have panicked, thinking I'd left him.
I texted him, not caring that it was me who was making the first contact between us.
Drake, I came to 8th Avenue looking for you. I'm still here. Come to me. I don’t want to ever be apart from you. Not one night. I love you.
I waited, anxious for his reply. If he'd seemed upset to my father, surely he'd be happy to hear from me. When his text came, I had to read it over several times.
Katherine, I want you waiting for me, blindfolded, naked, kneeling on the floor by the bed. I'm going to spank you. And then I'm going to fuck you. You're going to take it without complaint.
Do you understand?
What? He was going to spank me? I thought we'd already gone through all this. He was going to spank me? He wanted to do a scene?
All I wanted was to be with him. I wanted us to be together. He wanted to reestablish our power exchange. He really did think he'd been too lenient with me and that was the problem.
I sat debating with myself. Should I just take it, like he said? If I didn’t, would that mean our relationship was over? Could I make my own demands or was this a time to submit?
I was so confused.
I don't want you to spank me.
His response was immediate.
Of course you don't but I have to. Trust me on this, Katherine.
