AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘Yes,’ she said and noted with some relief that he had let go of her.
That night, as she came out of the shower, still smelling of the sea, he wrapped his arms around her. Almost as if he had been waiting to pounce on her. The thought disgusted her. Sex or any kind of physical contact with this man made her want to throw up.
‘Hello, beautiful,’ he mumbled into her wet hair.
Every bit of her froze.
‘H … hi,’ she said.
‘Hey, are you okay?’ he asked again, surprised at how rigid his wife felt in his arms. Wasn’t he allowed to hug her, he asked himself, taken aback. She had been more aloof than he’d expected in the lead-up to the wedding, but he had put it down to shyness or nervous excitement. But now…
‘Of course,’ she said, bringing him back to the present.
He took her face in his hands and leaned forward for a kiss.
She stood there, petrified and disgusted in equal measure. To her relief, there was a fortuitous knock on the door and she quickly removed his arms to go open it. She wondered how long her luck would last.
By the third day, she noted how during the day, he no longer paid her any compliments – he was becoming aloof and she felt, an anger emanate from him. As he swam in the hotel’s infinity pool, she observed him from a distance and concluded that he looked mean. The sort of mean you wouldn’t want to mess with.
His pride hurt, he was seething. Did she suddenly find him ugly? Repulsive? Too short? Too dark? Not up to her standards?
That night in the darkness of a villa in Thailand, the furthest away from home she had ever been, coiled in foetus position in a far corner of the bed, intuitively aware of what awaited her.
Her heart thumped with a mixture of fear and desperation when she felt him move over to her side and sneak a hand on her arm.
Her body felt like it was on fire, a fire she hoped would numb what was about to happen.
‘Are you scared of something?’ he asked. ‘If you don’t know stuff, I can tell you or maybe we can look something up on the internet – would that make you feel okay?’
‘I am fine,’ she mumbled.
‘Then why not?’
‘Maybe later?’ she tried weakly.
‘Do you think I’ll be horrible?’ he taunted her.
If only he would give her some time.
Maybe, if he would give her some time.
‘No … no,’ she mumbled hurriedly now, feeling fear rise in her heart.
‘Let’s try? If it doesn’t work out, we can take it slower?’ he said in a tone that scared her. She knew right then what would follow. She knew there was no point resisting it now. No good, absolutely no good would come out of it.
Her first night with her husband. What should have been the most special night in her life would for a long time remain the most painful. So painful that she would try hard to pretend that it never happened. Yet, much like many things we think will kill us, she survived through it.
As a lover, he was inconsiderate, demanding and forceful. He wanted her to respond in some way, and when she did not, it further fuelled his anger, making him even more inconsiderate. Right in the middle of it all, when her weak protests had fallen on deaf ears, and the only thing she could think of was to hit him or scream out for help – neither of which she wanted to resort to – it struck her like a flash of lightning.
He could do, and was doing, what he wanted to her body, but surely he couldn’t control her mind. That was hers and hers alone. That was one freedom no man coul
d ever take from her.
And with that, she set herself free. She was no longer in a water villa in Thailand; she was in the hills, by the sea, in the desert. She thought of the birds and the butterflies she had chased as a child. The rainbows and their colours. The songs and the melodies.
It was only later, as she lay on the bed, trying to block out the sounds of his snores, that she felt hot tears begin to stream down her face. This man had been her choice, she taunted herself ruefully – what right did she have to complain now? And who could she complain to? Who would listen? She felt like a bird, wingless and ravaged, in a cage that no one could free her from.
It hurt.
