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Her mother, dying now.
Her childhood, beautiful, forgotten and far, far away, the promises it had contained long faded.
And now, she sat alone in a dark room, stari
ng at her black eye. Her maid would ask about it and she would lie. The routine was the same each time. Koyal wondered if the maid had figured it out yet.
Why are you putting up with this? the familiar voice asked her, gently, soflty. Some part of her heart collapsed inwards. It had been ages since any voice had spoken to her with so much love. How she, like everyone else, craved kindness.
‘Because I’m scared this is the best life has to offer.’
A husband who beats you up?’ the voice in her head asked, still so loving that it made her tear up more with each word it spoke.
‘I don’t know. Maybe I deserve this for all that I have done.’
And what did you do?
‘I was a horrible daughter, a very bad sister and the worst friend,’ she replied.
Your parents love you, your brother loves you and your friend loves you, the voice replied.
She stilled. Did they? Could anyone still love her?
‘What if my husband is right? What if I am useless?’ she asked the voice, encouraged by its gentleness.
The voice was silent. She was about to look away dejectedly, for surely the voice would have answered if it were possible to give a positive answer, when it spoke again.
It seemed to come from a distance, and the love it emanated warmed her heart. It spoke slowly.
What if, the voice said, you are not?
She woke up with a start and realized she had dozed off after staring at herself in the mirror. The voice! Oh that voice, what she wouldn’t give to hear that voice again. What had it said to her?
She looked around, bewildered, but slowly and then tumbling one after the other, the words started to come back to her.
A weird kind of energy rushed through her body and she began to feel alive for the first time in years.
Could she?
Should she?
Don’t think. If you think, you will never find the courage in your heart to do this.
She got up, rushed to the bedroom and packed a small suitcase, all the while murmuring, ‘Don’t think! Don’t think, just don’t think.’
The maid walked in as she was leaving.
‘Madam, are you going somewhere?’ the maid asked, staring at her black eye.
‘Yes.’
‘When will you be back?’
‘Never,’ she replied with quiet authority.
12
Koyal sat there, feeling she had made the worst decision of her life by coming back home.
