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‘Being right and saying the right thing are two different things and he’s old enough to know the difference. However, there are other matters I want to discuss with you.’ Mother and daughter looked at each other, the life-sustaining machine beeping in the background. ‘What do you want from life now, Koyal?’ her mother asked, breaking the silence. Koyal hesitated, looking down at her hands. ‘Tell me?’ her mother prodded, her voice urgent.
‘I want to respect myself again, Ma,’ she said in a low voice.
Ma smiled. ‘The only shameful thing is to be ashamed of yourself,’ she said. ‘Don’t hold on to the past, Koyal, and don’t blame yourself. What happened to you is Amit’s demon, a burden that, trust me, he will carry all his life. You will not be ashamed of yourself. You will never again feel so small that the only place you can look at is the floor.’
‘I feel angry, Ma,’ Koyal said, feeling some strength return to her.
‘Do you know what the one good thing about anger is?’
‘Good thing about anger?’ Koyal looked at her mother, perplexed.
‘It gives you strength that you never you had in you. Use that strength.’
‘But what if, Ma, I’m ashamed of the person I am today?’ she asked, her voice unsteady.
‘Then you are making the biggest mistake you can possibly make, Koyal. See yourself through my eyes and you will see your true worth.’
Koyal shook her head. No, she was not worth anything.
‘What will make you feel worthy?’ Ma asked.
‘I want to throw Amit and everything he stood for, out of my life. I want to earn my own money … I want to be independent in every way … but … but … it’s too late for all that…’
Ma smiled. ‘It’s never too late,’ she said. ‘And moreover, all that you have listed is very easy to achieve.’
Koyal looked at her, surprised.
‘But first I need you to answer some questions for me.’
‘Yes, Ma.’
‘Do you think it is right that, despite the innumerable arguments we had, you never told me why you left your course midway?’
‘No, you deserved to know,’ Koyal said, shaking her head.
Ma’s face softened. ‘Do you feel ready to talk about it now?’ Koyal stilled and when she looked up her mother was smiling. ‘You are still not ready to talk,’ Ma said.
Koyal felt tears begin to pool in her eyes once again. No, she could not talk about it, not even now.
‘You were running away from someone and we all know who that someone was. Why did you marry so soon after coming back to us? I know we got the marriage proposal, but to be honest, I never expected you to say yes, Koyal.’ Koyal felt a deep pang of regret sear her heart. ‘Koyal?’
‘Because I hated more than I loved,’ Koyal said quietly. ‘And I have been punished for it.’
Priya looked at her daughter for a long time.
‘You married out of hate?’
Koyal nodded her head.
‘And despite what that bastard was doing, you decided you wanted to have a baby? Why?’
‘My desire to have a baby, at least in the beginning, was rooted in jealousy.’
Priya looked at her daughter and then slowly shook her head. ‘Were there only two people in your marriage, Koyal?’
Koyal looked up, stunned, but said nothing.
Silence prevailed for a few minutes as both women were lost in their own thoughts. Finally Ma spoke.
