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‘I … I want to keep this short. I don’t think I’ll be meeting you or calling you. I’m sorry, Rajeev. This is it.’ I said, biting my lip.
‘Okay,’ he said softly.
‘Bye,’ I said.
‘Wait.’
‘Yes?’
‘Kasturi, if you can, please try to forgive me,’ he said, his voice breaking. ‘I will always love you.’
I remained silent for a few moments.
‘I forgive you, Rajeev. Live well,’ I said and hung up.
Somewhere deep inside my heart, a little bit of me broke and I touched my wet face, surprised at the tears. Or maybe not really surprised. This was never going to be easy. You know, I still dream of Rajeev sometimes, vague dreams, dreams where nothing happens, but he’s in them. I wake up feeling as if I’d just met an old friend. With time, I find myself forgetting all the bad things that happened between us. The good times live on, not in a hormone-crazed, I-want-Rajeev way, but in a more quiet, dignified manner.
Rajeev probably thinks I am severing all ties with him.
I am not. I cannot. No matter how hard I try.
He is part of my past, a past that was, in most bits, very beautiful. He is a part of my subconscious because, when I loved him, I loved him with a fire I had not known existed inside me. He will remain there, probably for decades, as a beautiful memory that might begin to fade with time and one day vanish completely. Other stories from my life will overwrite Rajeev’s memory.
Maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe he will always be there, a gentle reminder of a love that once was.
Either way, I accept memories of us and the place in my life that they choose to occupy. And for all those wonderful memories, I forgive him the deceit.
I loved Rajeev, but I love Purva.
Live well, Rajeev, live well and prosper.
20 July 2013.
An extract from Mum’s blog-post titled, ‘True peace and Aradhya Bachchan’:
By the time I die, which I hope is a long way off – I need to first see Pimple get married and then ensure that she gets her children married on time. I am also, and understandably so, very curious to see if Aradhya Bachchan will become an actress like her parents and grandparents – I want to have found my peace. True peace.
That is also my biggest hope for you. For you to find peace.
What is true peace, I hope you are asking yourself now.
True peace is knowing that you have followed at least some of the dreams that you have held closest to your heart. True peace is knowing that you have nurtured at least some of the people who have been closest to your heart. True peace is knowing that you have expressed at least some of the feelings that you have felt closest to your heart.
True peace comes from the quiet in your heart, so take care of it.
As of today, 435 people follow her blog – twenty more than last month. Mum is already on her way to cyber stardom.
25 July 2013.
‘Errr,’ said Pitajee.
‘Stop err-ing and start speaking,’ I snapped back at him. With Purva acting the way he was, patience, let us just say, was a rare thing to come by.
‘Umm…’
‘I will murder you now,’ I said in a voice thick with emotion.
‘It’s been three months now, Kas,’ he said hesitantly.
