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‘Kasturi ... I … I can’t…’ he fumbled.
My heart sank. This was really happening.
‘I don’t think…’ Purva stammered, his face red now.
‘It’s okay,’ I said hurriedly, every cell in my body revolting at the idea of even hearing the full sentence. ‘It’s okay, it’s okay,’ I said more to myself than to him and tried in vain to wipe away the tears that had my face all wet now.
‘It’s okay if you can’t get back with me. I don’t deserve someone like you,’ I said, in a trance. It had happened but I still could not believe it. Purva had said no. He did not want me back. Well done, Kasturi Shukla, very well done.
Purva said nothing. I brushed tears away with the back of my hand.
‘I will always love you,’ I said, one last time, and ran towards the door desperate to get out of the room.
31
I had barely touched the cool metal of the doorknob when a firm hand grabbed my wrist with such force that I winced in pain. Before I knew it, two strong arms had wrapped themselves around me. Tears had already blurred my vision and now grief clouded any semblance of logic and reason. All I wanted to do was curl up and cry. Cry my heart out for all that had happened.
And that is exactly what I did.
With strong arms wrapped around me and a broad chest against my face, I curled up in the warmth that surrounded me and cried bitterly and without stopping. A gentle hand caressed the back of my head which only made me cry harder.
‘Shhh, Kasturi,’ said Purva in a gentle voice into my ear.
I cried harder.
‘You will dehydrate yourself!’ said the alarmed doctor a few minutes later.
And I cried harder.
‘Okay, okay. Cry as much as you want,’ he said resignedly and clasped his hands tighter around my waist.
Time stood still. I don’t know how long we stayed like that. Not saying a word. Not moving. Not talking. My sobs broke the silence of the room like small waves crashing on the beach. I cried into his right shoulder and, when his shirt there was too wet for my comfort, I shifted to the other shoulder and cried harder than before. He simply held me without saying another word, without telling me to hush, without trying to stop me from it … just holding me, one with me and my grief.
When I was done, I withdrew a few inches so that I could see his face in the gentle glow of the lamp.
‘I am sorry, Purva,’ I said, between sobs.
Purva’s large black eyes stared at me for a few seconds before he spoke. ‘Do you have any idea how adorable you look when you cry like this?’ he said, gently brushing away some tears.
‘I am so sorry,’ I said, breaking into another fresh wave of tears.
‘How did you even think for a minute that I would ask you to leave?’
Another fresh wave of tears. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said again. How many times would I have to say this for me to feel okay?
‘I know you are,’ he said and took my face in his hands. With his fingers he brushed away strands of hair that were now wet with tears.
‘Purva!’ I exclaimed, gulping in some air and readying myself for another monologue to explain what had happened.
He placed a finger on my lips and, boring his dark eyes into mine, he whispered, ‘I love you, Kasturi, and that is all that matters.’
That shut me up and for some time I simply stared at him, taking in the simple beauty of his dark, intelligent eyes and the poetic curl of the longest eyelashes I had ever seen. Why had I not noticed them before? And why did each word from him sound so earnest, so sincere and so true? How did each word find its way to my heart, searing it with a pain that I found difficult to swallow?
‘I love you too, Purva,’ I said and felt such a powerful rush of love for him that my eyes pooled with tears again. I knew, in that moment, that there was something that needed to be done and now was the time to do it.
I disengaged myself from Purva, went down on one knee and, staring at the most astonished man I had ever set eyes on, asked the following simple and direct question:
‘Dr Purva Dixit, will you marry me?’ It was definitely my turn now.
