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“Okay.” I was grinning again, and once inside the church, I tried to keep my spirits up.
“I mean, it’s not like I wouldn’t try or anything. You know, in a pinch if you, like, really needed me. I could, you know, pretend I’m in Glee and break into Gaga or Britney. Or, oooh, I know, I could sing an Adam Lambert song if you think that would help. You know, hit them over the head with the whole gay thing instead of easing them into it.”
Ah, Hales. The girl always knew how to make me smile.
“I think we’re good.”
Dad was already at his pulpit, arranging notes, his fingers shuffling them nervously. I walked up to him, and my first inclination was to give him a hug. He looked like he needed one badly.
I hesitated, and when I would have stepped back, he scooped me into his arms. He held me until the stiffness in my limbs and muscles faded.
And I let him.
I was cold, and my stomach felt pretty bad, so I could imagine what he was feeling.
“You came,” he whispered near my ear.
“Wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
He stared down at me, and I saw the new lines around his eyes, the dark circles underneath, and the magnitude of what he was going to do hit me so hard that my knees buckled.
“Hey, sweets. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, a little shaky. “I’m good. I just…do you have to do this? I mean, can’t we…can’t you just, I don’t know, be yourself without having to make an announcement?”
He was silent for a few seconds as he glanced over my head at the people gathered behind us. “No,” he whispered. “I’ve been hiding and lying my whole life, and if I’m going to lead and counsel and be there for these people, I need to be honest about who I am. I need to show them that…”
“Love is love?”
He kissed my forehead. “Yes. Love is love. Things are going to get rough.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here.” I gazed up at him and hoped he saw what was in my heart. “No more lies. Be brave. All in.” Wow. I was starting to sound like Coach Taylor.
“You’re amazing, you know that?”
“I do,” I quipped and attempted a smile.
He paused. “Have you talked to Trevor? Is he going to be here for you?”
I shook my head, lips tight. “No. We’re still not… We’re not together.”
“Oh Everly. I’m sorry. You’re sure this has nothing to do with me?”
I heard his concern and tried to smile. “I’m sure.”
“Okay.” He glanced over my head. “Okay. It’s time.”
I smoothed the front of my dress and walked around the pulpit, bypassing the piano that I normally sat at for opening hymn. I spotted a few kids from the youth group, which I’d pretty much ditched over the last few weeks, and I gave a small wave. Two of them waved b
ack, the Charnish twins, but the other girl, Joanne DuPonte, did the whole “I’m going to pretend I didn’t see you” thing. I had no idea if she was mad because I’d ditched youth group or had some other reason for being so high school. Whatever. I had more important things to worry about. I crossed over to where Hailey sat in the front row and squeezed in beside her. Mrs. Gentry, our treasurer, was in her usual spot, and I gave a small smile as I settled back and tried to relax. Kind of hard when every muscle in my body was tight.
My dad cleared his throat into the microphone, there was some feedback, and the entire congregation went silent. Like you could drop a pin in the choir box and everyone would have heard it. There were no crying babies or shuffling of feet. There were no whispers or giggles from the little kids. No coughs or sneezes. It was like someone had pressed the mute button.
There was nothing. There was my dad and the congregation.
Hailey’s hand found mine, and we held hands like we used to when we were little. I exhaled slowly and looked up at my dad.
His eyes were on me, those electric blue eyes that I’d loved since I could remember, vibrant and alive. He smiled, a reassuring warm smile, and I noticed the sunbeams coming in, bathing him in the light that I’d missed for so long.
