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‘Sal …’
Joel had got up and come towards her. Still laughing, she had held out her arms to him, the dressing-gown falling open to reveal her naked body.
They had ended up making love downstairs on the floor in front of the fire as quickly and as urgently as a couple of teenagers. And for once Joel was the one doing the protesting that the kids might come in and see them.
‘Let them; I don’t care,’ Sally had lied recklessly.
‘Oh, you don’t, do you?’ Joel had challenged her softly. ‘Well, in that case …’
When he had started to lick his way slowly all over her body she had squirmed helplessly against him, torn between anxiety and delight.
Joel had laughed at her as she’d tried to wriggle away from him, but later, when she had given in, he had gathered up their scattered clothes a
nd agreed that they would be far more comfortable in bed, and once there he had taken hold of her hands and asked her huskily, ‘Make love to me, Sal—show me that I’m not the one doing all the wanting … all the needing … all the loving …’
Briefly she had hesitated, unsure if she really wanted what taking such a step would bring, half of her still wanting to cling to the passive safety of the familiar role she had created for herself; but then Joel had breathed out, his body pressing lightly against hers, and her skin had tingled where it touched his, and she’d given in to the lure of the deliciously wanton thoughts which had been tormenting her all evening.
Later she wasn’t sure if it was shock or excitement that had brought that awed note of husky pleasure to Joel’s voice as she’d touched him. Neither of them had ever been particularly vocal lovers, but suddenly, listening to him telling her how much she was arousing him, she’d discovered that she wanted to share with him her own excitement and need.
The extraordinary realisation that she was going to climax before he did, and that once she had she still wanted him, had been reflected in her eyes for Joel to see, and his pleasure in what she was feeling, the tears that had blurred his eyes as he’d kissed her and held her, had filled her with such a heady mixture of yielding sweetness and unfamiliar power that its strength had seemed physically to dissolve something inside her, some cold, hard, frightened barrier she had never known existed until she felt it melt away.
They had had other problems to adjust to. Joel still only worked part-time at the leisure centre and they had less money coming in now that she worked part-time as well, but somehow they managed and there were other compensations … like the time they spent together, like the fact that they could talk to one another … share their problems … air grievances.
Thoughtfully she looked towards Philippa, and then she saw the way she was smiling at the man with her and the small cloud lifted from her eyes.
‘No, don’t tell me,’ she had said quietly to Joel. ‘I don’t want to know any more than I already know … except … do you love her?’ she had asked him painfully.
‘No,’ he had told her, and she had known it was the truth.
She couldn’t pretend that it didn’t hurt, or that she would ever totally forget, but then neither could she deny that their marriage was stronger for what they had experienced, and Joel in his turn had never cross-questioned her about Kenneth.
But when Joel had explained through their counsellor what he felt was missing in their relationship she had not been able to stop herself wondering how much of the intimacy and sexual pleasure that was plainly so important to him, and which he said he did not get from her, he had found with that other woman. As he, perhaps, had wondered how much of the non-sexual attention and affection she had said she needed she had got from Kenneth.
What had happened in the past no longer held any threat or worry for her—she knew Joel loved her—but it still touched her heart with a cold finger of fear to know how close she had come to losing him.
She saw that he had finished his conversation and was walking back towards her.
‘What did Neil want?’ she asked him curiously.
There was an odd expression in his eyes, a mixture of elation and uncertainty. ‘Colin has decided to retire early and Neil wanted to know how I felt about taking his job.’
‘As assistant manager of the whole leisure centre complex?’ Sally asked in surprise. Ten months ago, when Joel had passed his professional exams, the leisure centre had appointed him formally as a coach, but it hadn’t been the small increase in his salary that had pleased Sally so much as their official recognition of all Joel’s hard work.
They had had a small party to celebrate, and even though Joel had protested that there was no need for her to make such a fuss she had been able to tell that he was pleased.
Daphne, of course, had sniffed disdainfully, and Sally had refrained from reminding her how scathing she had been about Joel’s ability to get any professional qualifications. Besides, Daphne had her own problems: Edward had apparently got in with a bad crowd at school and was not studying as hard as he should have been doing.
‘Mmm …’ Joel confirmed.
‘What did you tell him?’ Sally asked him.
‘I said that I’d like some time to think about it and discuss it with you,’ Joel told her.
‘I’d have thought you’d jump at it … don’t you want it?’
‘Yes … It would be a bit of a challenge for me, but it would mean going back to full-time working … sometimes in the evening and at weekends.’
He reached for her hand and turned round slightly so that no one else could hear them as he told her softly, ‘I don’t want to lose what you and I have built up together, Sal … I don’t want to go back to the way we were … I want the job, yes, but I want what I have with you more …’
