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He’ll never forgive me for this. I know it in my heart. It takes everything I have to hold it together as I fill the gas tank, fingers trembling, stomach churning. I close my eyes for a second. A mere second. In that second, everything changes.
The sound of brakes engaging next to the car makes my spine rigid. A car door shuts. There’s movement as I’m turning just in time to see Manuel slipping into the driver’s seat. My heart jumps into my throat as the locks engage, and Alessio gets out of his car, fury in his gaze as he stalks toward me.
My eyes move to Nino in the backseat. He’s fallen asleep again. All I can think is I’m not going to get to say goodbye. This is it. This is the last image I’ll have of him.
Alessio corners me, returning the fuel nozzle and shutting the gas cap. His voice is low and terrifying as he pries the keys from my fingers.
“Get in the car.”
He doesn’t mean Gwen’s car. I can’t make myself move. I can’t stop staring at Nino, thinking of all the ways I’ve failed him. What will become of him when I’m not here? Alessio grabs me by the arm and drags me away forcefully. Fighting back is useless. I know that now.
He hands the keys off to Manuel through the window and leads me to the passenger seat of his car, slamming the door once I’m inside. When Manuel drives away, it feels like a part of me has died already. I press my fingers to the glass, sobbing silently as I mourn a loss so deep it cuts me to the bone.
Alessio takes his place in the driver’s seat, staring at me with a hatred so pure, it only makes it that much more painful. He doesn’t speak as he pulls away. There isn’t a word uttered from his lips for the entirety of the long drive back to Seattle. I don’t even know where we were. I wasn’t following a map. I was just trying to get as much distance as I could. In hindsight of my failure, I realize my fatal mistake. Gwen’s car likely had some sort of GPS tracker on it. Of course, Alessio would know that. The question is, why didn’t I think of it before?
Anger, frustration, and sadness mix into a toxic cocktail inside of me. Briefly, I consider throwing myself out of the car and onto the freeway. Surely, it would be less painful to die that way, because I can’t even bear the thought of the alternative. I can’t look into his eyes as he kills me.
I cry some more, grieving for the life I never got to have. The one I swore I would claw back if it was the last thing I did. Now, I realize how foolish it was. Death was inevitable, and all I did was delay it.
I’m numb by the time we reach the house. Reluctantly, my eyes move to the dock as the car comes to a stop, but Gwen’s body is no longer there. I don’t know if that’s better or worse.
Alessio turns off the ignition and steps out, coming around to drag me out too. He doesn’t speak as he hauls me toward the boat house. Agony makes me weak as he opens the door and forces me onto the deck, guiding me to a passenger seat in the cockpit. He shoves me onto the cushion and retrieves a tie-down rope. There’s no resistance on my part as he secures my wrists painfully, looping the restraint through the metal bar beneath the seat cushion.
This is how he’s going to kill me. I understand that as he moves away and begins his preparations. The external door to the boathouse slides open, and he takes his seat without a word, guiding us out onto the lake. He drives for what feels like hours, but everything is warped right now, including my sense of time. I’m still wondering how he’s going to do it as I watch the side of his face, studying the man I’ve come to know during my time with him.
Even now, my pitiful heart skips a beat when I look at him. There’s still a sense of hope that reality hasn’t diminished, as if there could be another alternative to what I know to be true. Gwen told me he was only using me. She told me it would have always come to this. I don’t want to believe it, but the longer I watch him, the more I wonder.
Did he ever feel anything at all?
More tears stream down my face, and I’m still crying when he adjusts the speed and starts to slow. When he stops the boat completely, I try to shut down too. Locking my emotions away, putting on a brave face, I remember who I am. I remember why I’m here. I’m a survivor. I came here to fight, and I’m not giving up. Not until there’s no hope left.
