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“No,” she quickly denied. “Never.”
“Then how?”
She glared at him before walking to the deck railing. Her knuckles whitened against the handrail. She stared out at the hills she claimed to love so much.
“You’re a doctor,” she said, without looking at him. “You tell me.”
Oral contraceptive pills weren’t failproof. Every year thousands of babies attested to that.
“But…” Damn it. He didn’t want to be a statistic. He didn’t want to be a father. Didn’t want Melis
sa pregnant, didn’t want a baby, to risk facing what he’d gone through with Cailee, what he’d watched his parents go through prior to their divorce. “I knew I shouldn’t have quit using condoms.”
Melissa spun, pinning him with a scowl. “Don’t you dare blame me for that. You made that decision all on your own.”
True. Melissa had been on the Pill the entire year and a half they’d lived together. He’d forgotten to buy condoms. When he’d woken up needing her, and her warm body had actually been curled next to him, he’d decided, Why not? Being inside her with nothing between them—their first skin-to-skin experience—had been amazing. He’d felt reconnected to her, like they’d recaptured the closeness from those first few months. From that point on, they hadn’t used extra protection.
“I’m not blaming anyone.” Except himself for putting her in this position. Of putting himself in this position. A baby? He couldn’t do it.
“Sure sounded that way.” Accusation and hurt coated her words.
James raked his fingers through his hair. This couldn’t be happening. “Look, you know how I feel.”
Not all the reasons why, but he’d not beat around the bush. Point-blank he’d told her that he never wanted children and she’d agreed.
“I didn’t do this by myself and sure didn’t plan for it to happen.”
“I’m not saying you did.” Everything he said was coming out wrong. He didn’t want to hurt Melissa. He wanted to do and say things to comfort her, to take the horrified look off her face, but he didn’t want a baby. “I’m trying to figure out what to do about it.”
“It? As in our baby it?” Her eyes narrowed and her voice bubbled on the verge of hysteria. “We aren’t doing anything about our baby, so just put that thought out of your head.”
Do anything? She thought…
“I wasn’t insinuating you should have an abortion, Melissa. That didn’t even cross my mind.” Wouldn’t cross his mind. He’d sworn to protect lives the day he’d taken his doctor’s oath and, for him, that meant at every stage.
“Weren’t you?” she accused. Her entire body shook and as the temperature was in the balmy high seventies, it couldn’t be from cold.
Unable to sit still, James stood, paced across the deck. A baby. He and Melissa were going to have a baby, be parents.
Sweat covered his body. Nausea belted him in the gut. Any moment he expected the earth to open up and swallow him. This couldn’t be real.
“When?”
“I’m not sure. I took the test this morning.”
“Why?”
“I missed my period. Actually…” Her head lowered and, although he couldn’t see her face, he knew she’d closed her eyes “…I’ve missed three.”
Three? Dear Lord, she would be over three months pregnant.
“Why did you wait so long to check?”
Her tongue darted out, moistening her lips. “At first I thought I might have a touch of a stomach virus. It’s not uncommon to temporarily lose your period when you’ve lost weight.” She shrugged. “I guess I was in denial, too. I kept thinking I couldn’t really be.”
Other than her thinness, he hadn’t noticed her symptoms. Then again, it had been weeks since they’d sat down to a meal together or spent more than a few passing minutes in each other’s company. It was like she’d been avoiding him. A baby. Maybe she had.
His vision dimmed and he clutched his forehead. Visions of Cailee snapped in front of his eyes, taunting him, his future. She’d have been seventeen now. The same age he had been when she’d died.
