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As couples join hand-in-hand and singles drift away, the dance floor becomes more open, and I notice Banks standing by himself only a few feet from Akara.
He turns his head, his eyes on my eyes, and I breathe harder, looking between Akara and Banks.
Banks and Akara.
As the most romantic fucking song plays, this is the part where the girl runs into the arms of the man she loves. Where I pick who I want to be with.
Instead, there is just an aching longing to run towards both.
We all seem to be breathing in at the same time, and I break the synchronicity and find Winona again. My fifteen-year-old sister leans against the dessert table where there’s a massive chocolate turtle spread. I slip my hand in hers.
She smiles and drags me onto the dance floor before I can drag her. We twirl each other, passing Akara and Banks, but I feel their eyes on me the whole time.
I can’t forget them.
I’ve tried all night. And a huge part of me never wants to forget. Forgetting them means forgetting how they make me feel. And I always, always want to remember.
51
AKARA KITSUWON
Once the reception begins to end, Sulli tells me she wants to go home instead of crashing at the hotel. Tonight, nothing sounds better than being far away from all of these people. Away from everyone. Everything was simpler in Yellowstone.
My responsibilities bear back down on me here, and I’m tempted to just sideline them for one more night. Tomorrow will be a different day. But I can let those worries roll off my shoulders for a handful more hours.
As wedding guests leave the gardens and trickle back into the stone mansion, creating a slow-moving line through the stained-glass double-doors, I find Banks saying goodbye to an uncle at a dessert table. Nothing but crumbs and half-eaten coffee cake left.
Once his uncle leaves, I tell Banks, “I’m taking Sulli back to her place.”
She’s currently hugging her parents one last time, and I left a temp to watch her for a minute.
Banks glances to her, and he downs a glass of sparkling water, which I know he hates. “She choose you, then?” Pain already grips his voice.
My muscles tighten. “No.” I laugh under my breath. “Almost the opposite, actually.” I spread out my arms. “She asked me if I thought you’d want to come with us back to Philly.”
So there’s that.
Back in the city, Banks is more of a floater than her 24/7 bodyguard, and it’s more unclear to Sulli when Banks will follow her around. I make those decisions.
Surprise reaches his eyes. “What’d you say?”
I lick my dried lips. “I told her I’d ask you.”
His brows knot into a harder frown. “This was your one shot to get her alone and you fucked it?”
I nod slowly. “I guess so.”
What I don’t tell Banks is that I want him to come along. That maybe, after all of this, the thought of leaving Banks here, alone, in a hotel room tonight sounds like an asshole move.
I’m cutthroat, but not when it comes to him. I’ve accepted the fact that he’s my exception, and I don’t want to be an asshole to him. Ever.
* * *
We’re the only humans at the penthouse where Sulli lives.
Two fluffy Newfoundland dogs and a few cats greet us at the front door. “Hey there, Orion.” Sulli hugs Luna’s dog and rubs behind his ears.
Banks grabs Arkham by the collar before he darts out, and I shoo a few cats away to shut the door behind us.
Once the door closes, the weight of the past 48-hours descends heavy on my muscles. We’ve all traveled across the world before, but this expedition was layered differently. Delayed flights, the car breaking down, the plane ride, and socializing at a wedding causes aches and weight, but so does the sheer emotional toll.
That part of our journey is unlike anything I’ve felt in a long time.
Like we’ve all jumped in a washing machine of happiness, heartache. Hurt, laughter. Joy, pain.
Loss.
After my dad passed, I’ve fought so hard not to lose the things that matter to me. My gym. My job as a bodyguard. My position as a lead, my own security firm, Sulli’s friendship.
And the trip to Yellowstone has been a crash course in Hanging On.
Hanging on to the people I love.
Hanging on to what I want out of this life.
I’m afraid of an ending more than I’ve ever been afraid of a beginning.
Sulli rises to her feet, rubbing a knot in her shoulder.
I fix the tangled cord to my mic. “Banks and I are going to do a quick sweep of the penthouse.” I want to switch-on a different, less serious setting, but safety first.
Usually I wouldn’t feel the need to check every inch of the 9,000 square foot penthouse, but Jane’s wedding date is public knowledge. If someone were to attempt a break-in, it’d be tonight. It’d take some bribery and incredible Mission Impossible shit for them to sneak past the building’s security, but I’m not taking any chances.
