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That I love my dad’s best friend.
I take in a deep breath. I need to get a grip.
As I reach the beach, the sand and sea stretch out before me, calming me a little. I should be at least trying to enjoy the last few days I have here. I’ve got my beach towel, my book, and a swimsuit that hugs all of my curves, even the ones I don’t care for. I can still have a good time.
But as I lie down on the sand and close my eyes, he returns to my mind. He sends a jolt through my body that I can’t control. A jolt of need. I blush, sitting up and looking around me as though everyone on this beach could see into my mind, see my desire. No one is looking my way, though. I let out a long breath, shaking my head to myself.
I’m being ridiculous.
But the second I close my eyes again, he returns to me.
In my mind, his eyes are fierce and sultry, boring into mine. I imagine him taking me in, looking at my body like it’s a work of art. That’s all I want in the world. I want him to see me. Like, really see me. I want him to know me inside out. I want him to want me so much that he can’t possibly leave me behind.
Because that’s how I’ve felt since I was sixteen. When my feelings shifted and I fell for him, my whole world changed forever.
I knew I’d never be able to forget him. I know everyone says that you never really get over your first love, but he’s my first and last love. I know it. I wish I could leave these feelings behind me and move on, but they’re eternal. They’re never going away. I thought back then that once he moved to Palma, I’d forget all about him and my life would go back to normal.
But I’ve dreamt of him every night for five years. I’ve prayed all this time that our paths would cross and that he’d see, see that we’re meant to be. I have so many thoughts about the things I want to do with him though most of them are the kind of thoughts that make me blush to even think about them.
Does none of my wanting count for something? All those sleepless nights I’ve spent wanting him…will I never get to find out what happens if my wishes come true?
I can’t relax right now.
I lie on the beach, trying to be grateful for everything that life has given me, but that’s the problem. The only thing I’ve ever wanted in the world is him. And now, it seems like I might never get him.
Tears sting behind my eyes. I feel so ridiculous. I fell for the wrong man and it’s going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Even if he comes to me now, even if we fall in love, I know deep down that it can never work. My dad would never allow it. He’s one of the most important people in my life, and it would kill him to see me with his best friend. I don’t know if I have it in me to hurt him that way, even if it means I get what I want most in the world.
I take a deep breath. It’s out of my hands anyway. If Ethan hasn’t bumped into me by now, he isn’t going to by the end of my trip. I need to let it go. The thought makes me angry and upset, so I start packing away my towel and my book. I just want to go back to my apartment and mope for a while. No one on this beach needs to see me going through heartbreak over a man I haven’t seen in five years.
I begin to walk away from it all. From my hopes, my dreams. It’s for the best. He and I were always a disaster waiting to happen. I’ll just have to spend the rest of my life living out our fantasy in my head. All of my other friends will get married and have kids, and I’ll be miserable in the knowledge that the only person I want to have in all my life is out of my reach.
The dream is dead.
My chest feels heavy as I walk back up the hill. The effort it’s taking not to cry is making my vision blur. But I need to wait a while longer before falling apart.
I’m not looking where I’m going and I feel myself slam straight into something so solid, that at first, I think it’s a brick wall. But then I realize it’s a person as I stumble back and he grabs by the arms to stop me from falling.
