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The worst thing is, I would hurt even my best friend to get August. It’s like she’s the only thing in the world that has ever mattered, the only thing that will ever matter. And I know that if I was face to face with her dad right now, I’d take him down just to get to her. I’d fight like a goddamn beast for her. He’s the obstacle, after all. Without him, I wouldn’t need to think about this. Without him, I could be happy.
I snarl, pacing the street. I’m alone out here. I can feel the pull of August and her warm bed. I can see the appeal of giving in to my animal instincts and going up there right now. But this isn’t what she wants. This isn’t what she chose.
I feel like punching a hole in a wall. This is too much to bear. Before her, everything was fine. My life was boring, meaningless, but it was fine. I never had to worry about anything. Now, she’s turned my whole world upside down and set it on fire, leaving me alone to deal with the flames. The yearning in me will last forever, and it will never be satisfied. She wants to save her father from the misery of us being together will bring, but in the process, she’s condemned us both to this hellish existence.
But I can’t blame her. I’ll never blame her for anything. If only I could be satisfied by just being friends, then maybe I could have a bearable life, watching her from afar, giving in to my fantasies at home when I’m alone. But I can’t.
I need her too much.
I sit on the curb, breathing hard. If only I could show her dad what she means to me. Find some way to make this all okay, to prove that August and I are meant for one another. It’s not like I’m trying to fuck and chuck his daughter. I want a life with her. I want to wake up beside her every day. Yes, I want to fuck her. Yes, I want the pleasure of being inside her or giving her pleasure so good that she trembles, but it’s more than that.
I want to be the person she comes to when she’s upset. I want to be the man who protects her from the world. I want to be the one who helps her raise a family, who showers her in love and gifts, who treats her like the queen she is. I know that no man can ever love her as much as I do. I don’t care if this is premature. I knew from the moment that we reconnected that she was everything. Now, I will never get her out of my head.
But I’m not giving up.
There’s hope for as long as we both live. Perhaps someday, she will give in to this feeling. Or maybe, in the short term, she’ll take my offer to fly her home. If she does, I’ve got another chance, another time to win her over. If she’s anything like me, she won’t be able to curb her urges while we’re alone together. It’s like she said, a long flight home together, we won’t be able to keep our hands off one another.
Of course, I do feel guilty. I know that by wishing for this scenario to play out, I’m asking her to give in to bad impulses. I’m asking her to betray her father again, the way I have been doing continuously. But it’s like I can’t help myself. All our history has gone out of the window because I’ve fallen for the woman of my dreams. I know it’s sick. I know I should be punished for being so desperate to give up years of friendship for a woman I’m only just getting to know.
But I still want it. Still want her.
And I’m not going to give up.
Chapter Eleven
August
I wake with a heavy feeling in my chest. I know that today might be the last chance to show Ethan how I feel about him. I look around at my bedroom, where everything is packed up, ready to be sent home to my house. Someone is coming to collect it all today, and then there’s nothing for me to stay here for.
Except for Ethan.
I check my plane ticket. I’m not due to fly until tomorrow if I choose to use it. Ethan said he’d wait for me for as long as it takes, but since I have to leave by tomorrow anyway, the next twenty-four hours are going to be a battle of choosing between being with him or not.
I know I should wait and get the flight tomorrow. I know that I shouldn’t contact him. If I do, then I might ruin everything. I could destroy my family. I could end up losing so much.
