AllFreeNovel
Share Us
What is a life without love? What is life without Ethan? I’ve spent the past five years desperate for him, so I don’t even know what it’s like when he’s not occupying space in my mind. But I’ll never rid myself of him. I wouldn’t want to. Even living without him, at least I’ll still have my fantasies. At least inside my mind, we can still be together.
At some point in the day, I manage to get up and start packing, feeling like a robot on autopilot. I guess this is my life now. Going through the motions. Getting used to a life without Ethan. It hurts, but I can endure it. I have to.
But as evening falls, I sense that he’s close. I walk to the window and see Ethan out in the street, pacing in front of my apartment like a wild animal. It’s like he’s protecting me from unseen dangers.
I fall into bed, already exhausted by keeping myself away from him. I wish I could go downstairs and just fall into his arms. I wish I could live in a world where that would be okay to do. A world where I can put myself first.
But that world doesn’t exist for me.
Chapter Ten
Ethan
I don’t know what I thought I’d achieve by coming to August’s apartment tonight. She made her intentions clear, and as much as I want to storm up there right now and rip her clothes off, saying fuck the rules, I have to respect her wishes. If she’s decided that she can be without me, then I should let her go.
But I can’t. Not fully. I guess out here, I at least feel close to her, close enough to protect her, to make sure no other man ever gets his hands on her. She’s mine. Even if I never get to see her again, she’ll always be mine.
It hurts that she walked away, even though I understand. She’s a better person than I am, that’s for sure. My lust for her is insatiable, and not even my friendship with her father can make me give up on her. I knew from the start what I was getting myself into. I played out every scenario in my head and I knew that someone would be hurt in this scenario. I just wasn’t prepared to be the one hurt the most.
I clench my fists and growl. I know she wants me. That’s not the issue. It’s something to hold on to, knowing she would be with me in another life. If her dad wasn’t in the equation, we’d be inside her apartment right now, making love. We’d be starting a journey that’ll continue forever. Because for me, she’s the only one. She will always be the one that got away, the only one who could give me what I want.
But maybe it’s not the same for her. Maybe that’s why she found it in her to walk away. Maybe someday she’ll realize that she can have anyone she wants, and she’ll settle down with another man. One who doesn’t know her father. One who will try his best to give her everything, but it won’t be the same. I know no one can have what I do with August.
Unless I’ve read this very wrong. Unless she’s just young and naive, thinking she’s falling in love when really, this is just a crush. Maybe I don’t matter at all. I clench my fists, gritting my teeth. Imagining her having a life that doesn’t involve me makes me angry beyond belief. Not with her, but with how this has played out. She fell in my lap last night, and now, she’s been cruelly taken away from me.
Maybe I don’t deserve her. Maybe the fact that I was willing to fuck over my best friend means that I don’t get to be happy, to get the woman of my dreams. I stare up at her window, feeling maddened, knowing she’s up there, but I can never have her. I bet she won’t even let me take her home. She’ll get on that plane like she was supposed to because she doesn’t want to see me again. She doesn’t want to make this harder on us.
I’m battling a million emotions. I’m angry that she’s been ripped away from me. Devastated that she can’t be mine. Frustrated that the man who I’ve called my best friend my whole life is the one thing standing in the way of my happiness.
And then there’s the lust. The unimaginable, animal lust that’s taken over my body since I first saw her again. It’s rushing through my veins, making my cock stand at attention, driving me insane. I want her so badly that it hurts. It brings out this aggression in me. The kind that could make me kick down the door to her apartment and grab her up in my arms. The kind that could make me take out anyone standing in the way of me and August. The kind that makes me into nothing more than an animal, incapable of being humane.
