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“She’s not coming back. I know that hurts you as nothing else can right now, but the truth is that it’s for the best. The woman you’ve built up in your mind is a fantasy, my dear. In reality your mother is selfish and cruel—and not the influence you need in your life.”
I’d shaken my head emphatically. That wasn’t true at all! My mom was funny and kind. She danced while she cooked and sang silly country songs a little too loud when she was cleaning. I didn’t understand why she’d left me but I believed that someday she would come back and when she did we’d cook and clean and sing those silly songs together. I just knew it.
Aria shook her head as if she’d heard my thoughts. “Your memories of your mother are not accurate. You have replaced the bad of her with the good memories created with someone else. The woman who does all of the things that have made you feel safe and loved will always be there for you. Your mother has nothing in common with her and deep down you know this. It’s why you’re so jealous of this woman’s son.”
I sucked in a breath and sat back in shock. It was like pulling the curtain back in Oz and seeing the man behind the bluster. Aria was talking about Jackson’s mother, the woman I called Aunt Madeline. For the first time, all of the pieces came together. I’d always been jealous that Jackson had a mom who doted on him.
I remembered the first day of preschool, when I’d been the only one of the kids being dropped off by a daddy instead of a mommy. Dad had been excited for me to start school with his best friend’s son, so when he saw Madeline hanging Jackson’s bag in his cubby he’d made a beeline for her.
I’d smiled shyly at the boy with the soft-looking light brown hair and mischievous grin as our parents introduced us. He walked away and said something to another child as his mother hugged me and told me how pretty I looked in my favorite yellow dress. I leaned into her and soaked up her attention like a sponge. She giggled and pulled a small hairbrush out of her purse after I asked her if she knew how to do good pigtails. Daddy had trouble getting them even but Madeline did it in no time. I beamed up at her and thought about how she was prettier than the lady in the movie I loved so much, Mary Poppins. The only thing I didn’t like about that movie was the end, but I had Daddy trained to turn it off before Mary went up with her umbrella.
When Daddy thanked her for fixing my hair, Madeline waved him off. “Are you kidding? You know I’m delighted to have a little girl to dote on.”
My heart felt like it would beat out of my chest with excitement. She wanted a little girl and I wanted a mommy. A real mommy who would do my hair and play with me instead of a mom who left. She’d been mean and hadn’t ever wanted to play with me, but I just knew Madeline would want to spend tons of time together. Maybe it was possible to swap one mommy out for another.
My little fantasy bubble burst when Jackson came back and wrapped his arms around Madeline’s neck. “Mommy, did you remember to pack me a cinnamon bun?”
She grinned as she turned and kissed his cheek. “Does Mommy ever forget to pack the cinnamon bun monster his favorite treat?”
He giggled and smiled up at her like she was an angel. “Nope. You’re the best mommy in the whole world. I’m glad you’re mine and nobody else’s.”
“Always and forever,” Madeline answered before she kissed his cheek again.
My smile fell as I watched them together, mother and child. That quickly, my good mood dissolved. After our parents left Jackson tried to make me smile, but I wanted no part of him. He’d ruined my fantasy, and because of that I promised myself I’d never be his friend.
A feeling of mortification worked its way through me as I realized that I’d spent years yearning for a mother that had never existed. All of the good things I’d believed were memories of her were really of Madeline. How had I let my need for a mother affect my outlook in such a major way? What was wrong with me?
I’d left that reading a mess and had avoided Aria ever since.
I startled from the memory when I felt a hand on my arm. I sucked in a breath when I realized Madam Aria was standing in front of me.
“I’ve got a message for you,” she announced in the matter-of-fact way she had. Her voice was soft and feminine but there was an unmistakable strength to it. I thought of her as a female Dumbledore.
