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Seb’s chest tightened at the very thought of strangers wandering around his house. ‘No!’
She hurried on. ‘I don’t mean open access but “pay in advance and reserve your place” tours. Put in a farm shop and nature trails and play parks. We could convert some of the outbuildings into holiday cottages and bridal accommodation.’
‘With what?’
‘There’s some capital left.’
He stared. ‘You want me to gamble what’s left, finish what my father started?’
‘Not gamble, invest.’
‘Meanwhile I’m what? A performing earl, the public face of Hawksley, like some medieval lord of the manor...’
‘You are the lord of the manor.’
‘It’s all about publicity with you, isn’t it? You say you don’t want it but you can’t see any way but the obvious—photos and newspapers and the public.’
‘No.’ She was on her feet. ‘But with a place like Hawksley the right kind of publicity is a blessing.’
‘There is no such thing as the right publicity.’
She stared at him. ‘Come on, Seb, you know that’s not true. Look at your books!’
‘They’re work, this is my home.’ His voice was tight.
Daisy bit her lip, her eyes troubled. ‘You can’t see past your fears. You are so determined to do things your way you won’t even consider any alternatives!’
His mouth curled in disgust. ‘Is this about those damned TV lectures?’
‘They would be a great start.’
Bitterness coated his mouth. ‘I thought you understood.’
‘I do. But you want me to marry you, to give you an heir. An heir to what? To worry? To debt? To fear? Or to a thriving business and a home with history—and a roof that doesn’t leak?’
He pushed his chair back and stumbled to his feet. ‘Hawksley is mine, Daisy. Mine! I will sort this out and make it right.’
Her eyes were huge. ‘I don’t get any say?’
That wasn’t what he meant and she knew it. ‘Stop twisting my words and stop creating drama.’
But she wasn’t backing down. He didn’t know her eyes could burn so brightly. ‘You can’t just shut me down, Seb, every time we have a difference of opinion. That’s not how life works, not how marriage works.’
‘I’m not shutting you down.’ He just didn’t want to argue. What was wrong with that?
‘You are! If we are going to do this then we have to be partners. I have to be able to contribute without you accusing me of picking fights. I have to be involved in your decisions and your life.’
He couldn’t answer, didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t expected her to push him like this. He had underestimated her, that was clear. What had he expected? A compliant partner, someone to warm his bed and agree with him?
He could feel his heart speeding up, his palms slick with sweat. He had obviously overestimated himself just as much. Pompous ass that he was.
‘That’s not what you want, is it?’ Her voice was just a whisper. ‘You’re happy for me to redecorate some rooms but you don’t want my input, not where it matters.’ Her voice broke. ‘You’re right, what does a romantically inclined girl with no qualifications know anyway?’
‘That’s not what I said.’
‘It’s what you think though.’
He couldn’t deny it.
The blue eyes were swimming. ‘I know I said I could do this, Seb, but I’m not sure I’m the kind of woman who can warm your bed and raise your children and not be needed in your life.’
She could read him like a book. He wanted to say that he did need her but the words wouldn’t come. ‘You promised to try.’
‘I have tried.’ Her cry sounded torn from the heart. Half of him wanted to step forward and enfold her in his arms, promise her that it would be okay—the other half of him recoiled from the sheer emotion.
‘So what are you saying? The wedding is off?’
She swallowed. ‘I don’t know. I know how important getting married is for the baby’s sake but I have to think about me as well. I need some time, Seb. Some time on my own to figure things out. I’m sorry.’
And while he was still searching for the right words, the right sentiments, a way to make her stay she slipped out of the room and he knew that he’d lost her.
And he had no idea how to find her again.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SHE’D LEFT HER favourite camera at Hawksley. She’d also left her favourite laptop and half of her hats but right now it was her camera she needed.
