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I watched the two of them get into their cars, shaking their heads and sighing. I didn’t give a damn what they thought. What they wanted. What they thought was best. I loved my family, but this was beyond them. Beyond the scope of anything I thought they were capable of. They both started up the engines of their cars and pulled out, keeping their eyes on me as they inched toward the road. I stood there with my finger on the button until both of their cars were out of sight, then I slid my finger off and quickly canceled the phone call going out.
Then, I looked back up to Andrea’s window.
I didn’t see her there and I wondered what she was doing. What she was thinking. I wanted to go back up there and finish our morning. Cook her some breakfast, or maybe take her out somewhere. Anything to apologize for how my family had just reacted. Because she deserved it.
But something in the pit of my gut told me she didn’t want to see anyone right now.
I slid my phone back into my pocket and opened the door of my car. I turned over the engine and slowly inched my way out, keeping my eyes on her window. Just in case she appeared. Just in case she beckoned for me. Just in case she came outside and started following after my car. It wasn’t until I hit the road, however, that I saw her curtains flutter. That I saw the shadowy figure appear.
And I watched that figure wipe at something on their face.
The mere idea that Andrea was crying made me sick. And I didn’t care that I was going to miss a family get together because of it. The fact that my father could incite a response like that from someone—a woman, no less—made me disgusted with him. The man I idolized. The man I emulated all throughout my life. Nothing but a small, pathetic man who made women c
ry.
I wondered how many times he had made Mom cry like that over the years.
I didn’t want to go to my house nor was I going to dinner. So, I headed back to the only other place I knew would give me some sort of solace. Some sort of purpose. Some sort of goal. I whipped a U-turn in the middle of the road and ran through my favorite breakfast place to snag some food and some coffee. Then, I started for my office.
If I couldn't reason with my family and if Andrea didn’t want to see me right now, then all I had left was my work.
I used to take pride in that. In always working and never having any fun. I saw myself as the anchor of the business. As the first mate to the captain that helped keep everything under control and flowing smoothly. I took work home with me routinely and was always in my office on the weekends. It was almost tradition for me to be the one that worked more hours and put in more time than anyone else around me.
But now, I wasn’t so proud of that fact.
I wasn’t so proud of the fact that I was a workaholic. That I had no fun. That I never took vacations and that I never got out and experienced the world. I wasn’t so proud of the fact that file folders of work were stacked on my kitchen table at my own apartment and that I had all of fifteen numbers in my phone, with over half of them being my own family. I used to be proud of that. It used to be a token of honor for me.
The only thing it felt now was pathetic. And the only thing I wanted was Andrea.
Fuck. I had no idea how I was going to fix things with Andrea.
TWENTY-FOUR
Andrea
I didn’t know what to do. I felt shocked. Numb. Scared. Saddened. I wanted to call the police, but I also wanted to stand my ground and fight. I’d always been that way. Fighting my own battles instead of looking for someone to do it for me. But when I peeked out the window and saw Everett driving away, I figured it was for the best.
Even though a part of me wanted to call him and tell him to come back.
I didn’t know where the urge came from and I wasn’t sure how to fight it. As I watched his car ease itself out onto the road and move away from me, I wanted to wave after him. Run after him. Call him and tell him to get his ass back into my apartment so we could talk. Maybe he simply needed space. After all, he was probably embarrassed. Ashamed of what his family had just done. At least, he seemed like he was, anyway. I knew he was angry. Maybe he needed to take a drive and clear his head.
What I did know was that I couldn’t stand at the window pining over a man that wasn’t really mine anyway.
I peeled off my nightgown and my robe and settled myself in for a long, hot shower. I smelled like Everett, and I didn’t want to. I still felt his lips on my neck, and I didn’t want to. I still felt his body pressed against my back, and I didn’t want to. Because it made me miss him. It made me want to call him and ask him if he could come back. I turned on the water as hot as I could get it and stepped in, hissing as the pain coursed through my body.
Then, I settled in with the explicit purpose of running the water cold.
Steam filled my bathroom until it became hard to breathe. I washed myself down, making sure I deep-conditioned my hair. It felt crunchy from last night. Everything about me felt crunchy, honestly. The bed. The sheets. My skin. All of it. Everett had marked every part of my life with him last night, and then it all went up in flames the second we got up.
I was going to kill Jessica when I saw her next.
When the water started to cool my skin, I rinsed my conditioner out of my hair and turned it off. I reached for my fluffiest towel and wrapped it around my body. I loved that towel. It wrapped around my twice and was the softest thing I’d ever put my hands on. Granted, I spent fifty dollars on it. But it was a splurge I allowed myself to have a few months ago and it hadn’t failed me yet.
I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off, then went and laid on my bed with the towel wrapped around me.
I wasn’t even there five minutes before my doorbell rang. And when it was followed by a timid knock, I groaned. I knew exactly who was at my door and I had no idea if I was in the right state of mind to speak with her. I laid there, hoping she’d go away. Hoping she’d get back in her car and drive off and give me time to process everything that had already happened.
“Andrea. I know you’re in there. Your car’s downstairs,” Jessica said.
