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Steven shifted a little. Away from me. He didn’t grab me like I’d been anticipating, firm hands all over… didn’t even touch me. “Okay, Tamara, so what is it this time? You’ve satisfied yourself Luc isn’t ruining Callie’s life, you’ve moved onto stalking me now?”
It sounded like the sort of thing Steven would say as a joke, but, I didn’t think I was misreading him. I didn’t think he was joking.
“Steven, what’s going on? You…”
“What the fuck you looking at me like that for?” Steven was glaring me down. “Did you like what I did for you yesterday so much you’re going to keep harassing me to give you another go? I thought you had all these other guys hanging off you waiting to fuck you, wasn’t that what you were whining to me about the other day?”
I wanted to back away from him now, but I didn’t have anywhere left to go. “That wasn’t what I was saying at all, Steven, you know that, I was just upset and I thought—”
“Well, you do keep claiming you were thinking, but I’m not seeing a whole lot of evidence of that in your actions. Just a fucking randy cow.”
I’d seen Steven this vicious before. I’d felt how rough he could be. But on those occasions, he’d been feeling like there was a threat to his friends or himself. I thought I’d understood what was going on there. Maybe I hadn’t understood anything at all. That would be on brand for me at the moment.
“Do we really have to fight about this? I don’t—”
“Seriously? You think we’re fucking fighting right now? Because to me it just looks like you’re being a fucking annoying clinger refusing to get the message.”
“Oh, I get the message, Steven.” I slid sideways along the flank of his car, getting myself out of his range. The feel of it along my back made me shiver. I hated him, more than I thought I would ever hate Mum once the shock of her betrayal really sank in. He’d made me want things I thought, maybe, he was able to give me… and then he’d yanked it all from under me. At least Mum never promised much of anything.
“Is this what you did to her?” It came out of me before I’d fully put it together in my own head. “Did you screw around with her head until she didn’t know what was going on, and then start hurting her? Was she the one who finally stood up to you?”
I could tell I’d hit him somehow. His face had gone softer than it was usually.
“I hope she did,” I added. “I hope she gave even better than she got. Well she did, didn’t she? I bet that restraining order is going to follow you around for the rest of your life.”
Steven made a sharp move towards me then, but I didn’t stick around to see if he was going to try to hurt me like he had that other girl. I ran, not looking back, until I was able to get inside the building that housed the library. I had to wander through a bit of a maze of corridors to locate the side entryway into the library, but once I was inside I felt like a cloak of relaxation had folded over my shoulders. I was safe from him for the moment.
I had only a few minutes to get my head together before I had to head to class. It seemed like a task of impossible proportions. Everything was backwards: my dad, the menacing blip at the corner of my life, had an account for his actions that seemed to line up. My mother, who I had always trusted to make decisions that kept me safe, had made one critical bad one.
And then there was Steven… who I might have caught the sort of feelings for it was dangerous to have for a guy. I’d let myself get caught up in the romance after all, and it had nothing to do with sleeping with him. It was how I’d felt going in to get that birth certificate with him by my side. Playing that stupid game with him at Ashleigh’s place—a feeling like I would come back for as many sessions as it took to get good at it, even if that was impossible. It had been like that girl everyone thought they knew, cowering in the corner behind her
dolls, was fading away, and I’d liked the replacement.
I’d thought Steven liked the replacement, that he saw some sort of future of ‘us’, even if it was just for the rest of our high school lives. But the whole time he’d just wanted to get in my pants, then he’d come back for another go… and then I’d acted too much like I thought I had a claim on him, and that was it.
The bell was about to ring to drag us all back into class. Some of the other kids who spent their time in the library were already moving.
Suddenly I felt very out of place there, as well. Those kids were there because they wanted to study, because they were good at studying. They actually wanted to get back to class. I was just hiding out from my problems like I always did.
But I knew I was going to go right back there once the next block of classes was done. I didn’t know anywhere else.
I needed a lifeline. I needed someone who had cared about me all along, whether or not I did what they wanted of me.
Before I got out of my seat, I sent a text to Brad to let him know I was keen to meet up again.
Steven was waiting for me in the library when I came back at lunch. He must have skipped out of class a bit early to get there, because I had done a fast walk the instant the bell rang. He was leaning against the long desk of computers where I usually sat and pretended to be working, and there were two other guys with him—Daniel, and some super-bleached blond I’d seen before but couldn’t remember the name of. Their presence made me feel so queasy I couldn’t have choked down the lunch I’d taken to eating quietly at home after school even if I’d wanted to try sneaking it in there. I didn’t remember ever seeing Steven with either of them before.
He started smirking when he saw me. It wasn’t the smaller smile I’d come to really enjoy on his face, it was big and plastic. The sort of smile I’d expect from someone like Lucas who never did anything without an audience… and I didn’t like Steven’s current audience at all. “Well, boys, here she is.”
Steven must have seen where I’d run off to earlier. I should have been more careful, but I’d let my guard down with him. Now I was going to pay for that.
Steven glanced over my head, towards the main desk at the opposite side of the library, then spoke in a low voice that made me shiver. “Now Tamara has a problem.”
It would have been sexy, if everything wasn’t pointing to my being in serious danger. Daniel and the blond were looking at one another in unease too.
“Seems she isn’t happy with the fucking I gave her,” Steven continued, “and she wants more. And I know the two of you are pretty good at fucking.”
Daniel’s eyes met mine, then skidded away. He was going red. He was definitely thinking about getting in my pants now… and I didn’t know how far he would push things if Steven provoked him. I didn’t know anything about the other guy at all.
