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“What do you want him for?” she asked.
That seemed to answer the question of whether she was aware of his issue with J.M. “I’m not here for any trouble, I just need to talk to him.”
“He’s not home from school yet…”
“I’ll wait out here,” I told her.
She shook her head, grimacing. “No, you should come in.”
Not exactly the welcome into someone else’s home you wanted, but I had a feeling it wasn’t me specifically who was the issue here. Still, I tried to keep myself small and non-threatening. I couldn’t help noticing Steven’s house as I walked into it, but there was nothing there that reminded me of him specifically, which made it easier. It was just some strange woman’s place.
“Tea?” I couldn’t make sense of what Steven’s mother was asking at first, until she followed that first word with, “Or coffee?”
I shook my head. “No, thanks. I’m sure Steven will be here soon and then I’ll get out of your hair.”
“Well if you’re sure of anything with him, you’re doing better than most of us.” She jumped a little, like something had bitten her. “Oh, I suppose I shouldn’t be talking like this… Are you sure there’s not anything I can do for you, before he gets here? If it’s money you want, we don’t—”
“I’m not pregnant,” I blurted out, too stunned by the turn things had taken to be diplomatic. I could tell right away from her face that wasn’t where she’d been going with this, and that made it worse, because I couldn’t figure out what else there could be.
Then the door we’d just walked through came open with a bang, and Steven stepped in. His uniform was soaked with sweat and he was ducking his head a little like he was trying to sneak, but this being Steven, there was not much that was subtle about how he was moving.
He stopped when he saw me, and squinted like he couldn’t quite work out if I was real. The answering throb in my heart nearly took my breath away. I wasn’t smart enough to see through a guy’s bullshit after all. Even when he’d told me from the start what he was, once he decided he wanted me, he just let me handle the telling myself lies. And even with my life in tatters thanks to his interference, all I really wanted was to be able to go back and hide away with him and show him all over again just how bad I was at video games.
And that was why, against all logic, I was coming to him when I needed help. Somehow, what I wished he could be was far more important to my mind than all of what he really was.
“Hi, Steven.” I took the initiative before something could screw it all up. “Can we talk privately?”
He glanced at his mother, who was scowling. “Steven, you—”
“It’s not really relevant, Mum, is it?”
She gave me that same helpless look she had when I’d made the apparent mistake of telling her I was sure about Steven. “Well you tell me, right?”
Steven just shook his head. “Come to my room, Tamara.”
I hesitated too long and he stiffened. “Well if you’re going to be like that then why the fuck are you bothering me?”
It was so frustrating. He had to see it was hard for me, after what he’d done last time.
But at the same time… I’d come to him. I’d already decided I needed to get the whole story from him, not just enough for things to look bad without my being sure. Letting things stay unsaid was what had gotten me in trouble already.
And if I wanted the truth about Steven, I knew I had to be willing to follow him when he led me somewhere that seemed dangerous and frightening. Even if everybody else, including his own mum, thought what I was doing was crazy. It was time to stop fighting it, stop fighting him.
“Lead the way,” I told him. The face he showed me then was even more frightening, because it reminded me of the way he’d looked at me when we were together at Ashleigh’s place. Surely there was no way I could let myself get tangled up like that with him again.
But I wanted to. I wondered if it was inevitable, even. And that scared me more than anything ever had before.
He gestured towards a door. “Steven,” his mum spoke up again.
“Please,” he said, “just give us a moment, okay? This is important. I’m sure she can scream if she needs your help.”
Along with him, I slumped a little in relief when she nodded and let us past.
Chapter Twenty-Six: Steven
“She thinks you’re going to do… what you did to that other girl, doesn’t she?” I could see in the slightly twisted reflection from a mirror hung up in our hallway that Tamara was keeping her head down, but her mind was definitely going.
My mind was going, too. I would never have expected her to come to my house. She had plenty of courage, but I’d been pretty rough on her. I knew she was good at hiding things, but at the moment she seemed less scared than I felt, bringing her into a space where she was unable to get away from me. I knew, and Mum probably knew, that I could keep her from screaming if I really needed to. Keep her from escaping until I was ready.
