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I chance a look behind me, and realize he looks just as upset as I am. Why though? I mean how can he be upset when I’m the one he was deceiving?
“Dahlia, please talk to me, or,” he yanks at his hair in frustration, “just listen. I know I should have told you. I planned on doing that tonight after dinner, but my mom has screwed those plans up.”
“You were going to take me to dinner and then admit to me that you’re married to another woman? How exactly did you expect me to react to that?”
I have all these questions, but right now, while I’m trying to take in the fact that he’s married, I can’t quite get there with my anger. I know it’s there, hovering in the background, but I feel shattered. Is there something wrong with me?
“Look, no one more than me, realizes how screwed up that idea was. I was just being selfish.” His jaw is as tight as his lips and the tick is even more pronounced. It’s clear that he’s angry but I’m not sure if it’s at me, his mom or his . . . his wife. “I wanted to take you to dinner, and show you how you should be treated, and as crazy as it sounds, I was planning on telling you about my past . . . Fuck, Dahlia.”
He circles around me so he’s no longer talking to my back.
My temper finally appears as Ryder starts pacing back and forth in front of me.
I step in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. His eyes widen in surprise as I thump him in the chest with my finger—hard. “Don’t you dare get pissed with me! Correct me if I’m wrong, but did you or did you not, forget to mention to me about your marital status? Because I have a good memory and I’m sure I would have remembered something that impacts our growing relationship.”
His shoulders slump in surrender as he lifts his hand to me, his fingers hover near my cheek before he lets it drop. I feel a loss of that connection and it brings fresh tears to my eyes.
“I’m sorry. You’re right, I shouldn’t be angry, at least not at you.” He glances away before meeting my teary eyes again. “You’ve no idea how much you mean to me, Dahlia. It’s killing me inside knowing you’re so upset, and that you won’t let me comfort you because I’m the one who caused this. Please come back with me. I’ll get rid of my mom so I can explain everything. I may be married, but it’s not what you’re imagining. In fact, it’s probably nothing like you’ve heard before. But before you judge me, at least listen to what I have to say.”
I shake my head in fear. I don’t want to hear what he has to say. What if there’s a reason why he’s still married and not living with her? What if his reasoning makes me feel sorry for him?
I always considered myself a strong person, especially with all the crap I’ve had to deal with over the years, but with the bombshell that his mom dropped on me, I feel as weak as a kitten. Despite the questions welling up inside me, I know now isn’t the time to ask them. I need to be away from him so I can think, and get myself together before I react to the want I feel coming from Ryder.
“I’ll listen,” his eyes flare with hope, “but not now. I’ll walk to Mia’s house.” His eyes lose the light that briefly appeared. “I’m sorry, Ryder. But I need to think because no matter what, I can’t be the other woman. I spent the first part of my life with my mother as that, and I’ve no intention of following in her footsteps.”
“I hear you.”
He looks so sad as he steps into my space and cups my face in the palms of his hands. Despite the emotions warring inside me, I lean into his touch.
“Please remember that my feelings for you are real. What I feel for you, I’ve never felt before, and yeah, it scares the crap out of me. My life is a mess, but I want you in it. You brighten my days and give me a reason to get out of bed every morning. Please remember that.”
He leans forward and gently kisses my forehead before stepping back and releasing me. I glance up and see the tears swimming in his eyes.
I want to throw myself into his arms and beg him to tell me it’s all a dream, but I do nothing other than stand and watch him walk back toward Kix, and his mom waiting for him on the front steps.
He looks dejected, with the slump of his shoulders and the drag of his feet. My heart cries out for him. I can’t comfort him—I can’t let him be the one to comfort me. Not yet—maybe not ever.
Unable to watch him a moment longer, I turn and make my way to Mia’s house. She’s my closest friend and happens to live the closest to Kix.
Chapter Two
Ryder
Walking toward where my mom is waiting, I fight the urge to turn around and go back the way I came. Every part of me is screaming to turn around and grab Dahlia. I should beg her to stay and not run away from me. I heard her loud and clear about the other woman part. The truth is the other woman is what she would be, no matter how it’s sugar coated, and there is nothing I can do about it. The name would have hung over her head, but in truth, she is the only woman in my heart.
I take another step toward my mom, but before I can face the questions shining in her eyes, I glance back toward the road where Dahlia has disappeared. My heart sinks when it hits me, again, just how screwed up my life is. It’s about time I grab hold of the life I want instead of the life I’ve doomed myself to have. I just wish I knew how the hell to start going about it without the backlash, which is bound to follow, from Brittany’s family.
With my hands on my hips, I stand in front of my mom, trying to hold my tongue. It isn’t her fault that she reacted the way she did. If I’d known she was going to show up today I could have at least asked her to keep quiet about Brittany. But I hadn’t and now the woman I care about is upset and I’m not even sure if she’ll be back later.
She has to be back, I reassure myself. All of her belongings are in the spare room in my apartment. The joy I felt at having Dahlia living with me has now evaporated into thin air. My only hope is she’ll have calmed down later so I can explain, and if I have to beg her to stay, then I will. Hell, I wouldn’t even be above tying her down to make her stay.
I love my family, but sometimes I really wish they’d think first before speaking.
Finally, meeting my mom’s gaze, I see the worried look in her eyes. Sighing, I offer her my hand and help her up from the step. “C’mon. It’s pointless us sitting around outside.” I usher her through the front door of Kix, when she turns and stops me with a hand on my arm.
“You really like the girl who left, don’t you?” She frowns.
I think about lying, but I don’t think it would hold much ground considering she witnessed both our reactions to her words. “Yeah, I do.” I run my hand down my face in exhaustion and hold her gaze. “I more than like her, Mom. She’s the only woman to ever get under my skin.”
