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He’s still coming as he abruptly pulls out, and starts backing away from me on his ass, shaking his head with a look of absolute horror on his face.
He’s back with me now.
“What?” he gulps, “Oh, God… No.” He tosses me my robe as he pulls a sheet from the bed to cover himself. “You have to go. Get away from me. Oh, God! What have I done?”
Quickly fastening my robe, I ignore the warning telling me to leave him and move closer.
He shakes his head and holds his hand up to ward me off. “Don’t. God, Savannah.” His tears of anguish flow down his face as do mine.
I really don’t know what to do right now. I love him, that hasn’t changed regardless of what he’s just done. But part of me wants to lock myself away in the bathroom and cry.
Tonight has changed everything. I know Jace and it’s going to take a lot for him to get over what he’s just done. It won’t take me as long once I get over the shock. He didn’t really hurt me. His grip frightened me and probably caused bruising, but once he was inside me, I didn’t hurt.
“Jace,” I try again, because I can’t leave him like he is, “please…I need…I need to hold you. I need to feel your arms around me telling me you’re okay—telling me everything, us, will be okay.”
He looks totally destroyed when he meets my gaze. “I can’t… Call Ryder. Please, Savannah. Call my brother.”
I’m rooted to my spot on the floor hoping he’ll change his mind, but as he drops his head to his knee, I slowly move to the front room, after I stop at the bathroom to retrieve my cell.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jace
How could Savannah stand in front of me, telling me she wants my arms around her, after what I’ve just done to her? I fucking raped the woman I love.
The minute she closed the bedroom door on me, I hurled into the wastebasket next to me until there was nothing left.
My hands are shaking so badly right now that it’s taken five minutes to get my briefs on. I’ve no chance with anything else.
I raped her.
When the nightmares always hit, I’ve never once reacted like that—never. What the hell brought that on?
My heart feels ripped to shreds, and if there was anything left in my stomach, I’m sure I’d be losing it again.
Why was she on the floor? Did I tackle her down? I fucking can’t remember. I just remember that in my head I had Savannah on her hands and knees on the bed while I pounded into her. She was as much into it as I was, but then I felt her climatic grip on my dick, and started coming, which was when I came awake, or whatever the fuck you want to call it.
I’d pulled out in shock, and that turned to horror when I saw the tears on Savannah’s face. I’d just known at that point what I’d done.
The horror of my nightmare had turned into something so much more—something that I have no idea how the hell I’m going to carry on living, knowing what I’ve done to her.
Turning my head, I dry heave into the wastebasket over, and over again, wanting this fucking nightmare to end. Wishing I could go back to last night in the shower.
I’d promised her that I’d wake her up in the morning, but what happened wasn’t what I’d intended.
“Knock, knock,” Ryder shouts as he shoves into the room and closes the door behind him. “Fuck, it stinks in here.” He opens the windows, which lets the chill of the early morning inside, and helps air the room.
Looking down at my sorry carcass on the floor, Ryder asks, “Why didn’t she leave?”
“I don’t know what the hell happened…but I think she was trying to get to the bathroom when I took her down to the floor…and,” I drop my head in shame and disgust, “I raped her,” I yell. I move to sit with my back resting against the bed. “I raped her, Ryder.” My tears flow and I don’t even bother to wipe them away.
He pauses and weighs what he wants to say. He does this on occasion, and I usually listen. “That isn’t what Savannah said.”
My eyes snap to his.
He continues, “Dahlia is with her, and she told us about you getting on top of her, but she used the word ‘fuck’ not rape. Although she did say that’s what you’d be thinking. She won’t accept that and told me not to believe you if that’s what you told me.”
“How can she not think that? I held her down, Ryder. I do remember not letting her go when she tried to buck me off…I thought I was dreaming.”
