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We sit in silence for a few minutes, which Ryder breaks, “What do you want me to do?”
Take me outside and shoot me.
Sighing, still feeling sick to my stomach, I answer, “Pass me my gear and give me a ride home.”
He passes my cheetah and protective layers, but pauses. “Are you sure you want to leave?” He glances toward the door. “I mean, Savannah is pretty upset, and wants you.”
“I don’t get how she can.” I look away and feel the burn behind my eyes. “I can’t stay, Ryder. I need to get myself together before I talk to Savannah. Right now, I haven’t a clue as to what I want to say, what I should do. The only thing I do know, is that I need away from here.”
“I hear you. Come on. My truck’s outside.”
Gulping, I hesitate when Ryder walks through the bedroom door because I know I’m going to see Savannah.
Reaching for my bag of gear, I pull my ball cap from the front flap and shove it down low on my head. Tightening my fist around the bag, I head into the living room and wonder how the hell I’m going to get through the next five minutes, or the rest of my life, for that matter.
Savannah
Hearing the bedroom door open, I’m almost afraid to look in that direction. My heart knows that Jace is going to leave with Ryder, but deep down, I’m hoping I’m wrong.
We need to be together to talk, and clear the air. Talk about his nightmare and what led him to jump on top of me. He went with some momentum when he flew off the bed.
I did feel threatened and scared and didn’t know what the hell Jace was going to do, or if he’d seriously hurt me. In the end, he hadn’t. In the end, he’d shocked me, and yes, I do have some bruises forming, but I’m not seriously injured, and he fucked me—I had pleasure from what he did, although it broke my heart for the both of us.
I refuse, no matter what he says, to call it anything else.
We are in a consensual relationship, and yes, he was in the thralls of a nightmare when he was inside me, but he didn’t hurt me, damn it.
Feeling his eyes on me, I look up and gaze into his face. When our eyes meet, his are vacant. He looks away, not able to hold my gaze.
“Jace—”
“He needs time, Savannah,” Ryder interrupts with a glance between us. “I’m going to take him home.”
“I’ll stay here with Savannah,” Dahlia offers, and moves over to her husband. “Take care of him.”
“I will,” Ryder promises.
“We’ll talk, Savannah. I just need to think. I need to give you space.”
“Damn it, Jace.” I jump up, startling everyone.
Jace’s eyes widen in surprise before he pulls his ball cap lower to hide them.
“This isn’t over.” I move to stand in front of him. “I told you I was in this for the long haul. I told you that I love you. Nothing has changed
.” I poke him in the chest. “I mean it, Jace. I still love you.” My voice cracks as my tears flow unchecked down my face. “I still love you.”
Dahlia wraps her arms around me while Jace and Ryder step around us and disappear out of the house.
Slowly walking toward the sofa, we sink into it as I let all my heartbreak loose. Poor Dahlia is going to regret staying, because I feel as though I’m dying. What I’m feeling right now is so strong that I don’t know what to do with it.
I want to rant and scream at the world. I want to throw things to get all my anger out, but what I want most of all, is for it to be Jace sitting on the sofa with his arms around me, telling me that he still loves me. Telling me that it was all a bad dream and when we wake up tomorrow, we won’t remember it.
I also know that it’s wishful thinking on my part.
Jace isn’t going to be able to accept what happened in my bedroom tonight. He won’t be able to reconcile his mind to what he did to me because he is so damn adamant that he raped me. Rape is a strong word, and I can’t and damn well refuse to believe that is what happened in there. No matter how it happened, I don’t feel as though I’ve been violated. I love him…he didn’t hurt me.
“Savannah, honey,” Dahlia strokes in slow caresses down my back, “you really need to stop or you’re going to make yourself sick.”
