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I love you so, so much,
“Now, be brave and don't look back.”
Erin xxx
“Star Wars,” I mumble, a sob escaping me.
I can’t move. I sit on the floor, clutching her letter in my shaking hands, tears stinging my eyes. When did she find the time to write this without me knowing? It’s exactly what I needed, with every word piercing through my heart.
Even until the last second, she wasn’t thinking about herself. It was about me, and her family, and making sure we were going to be okay. I get up and tuck the letter safely into my suitcase, next to my passport.
It’s not going to be easy, I know that, but I’m going to do my best to achieve her requests and make her proud of me. I can start with number two: see the world. I saw so many places as a child, but it’s completely different travelling when you’re older. You don’t have the restrictions of parents, or age. You can do anything, and see anything.
I’ve always wanted to go to Iceland and see the northern lights. I smile tenderly. Erin would’ve loved that. That’s it. I snatch my phone up and click on Calli’s number, waiting impatiently for her to answer.
“Hello?” she says.
I breathe in sharply at the sound of her voice. I don’t think hearing it will ever get easier.
“Calli, it’s Cade. I just wanted to see what I should do with Erin’s suitcase. Did you want me to leave it with reception so you can send someone to pick it up?”
“That would be great if you could,” she says. “Thanks, Cade.”
“There was something else,” I say hastily. The real reason I called. The thing that I have no idea how she’s going to react to. “I wanted to run something past you.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Cade
Six months later
I stare out at the spectacular skyline in absolute awe. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than the display in front of me. The sky is a pallet of blue, green, and purple, each colour swirling into the next, creating the most mind-blowing illusion that is stunning enough to make me forget that it’s minus twenty degrees. Even in my thick jacket, warm woollen gloves, and beanie, I’m still freezing my arse off.
She would’ve loved this.
I close my eyes and try to imagine her reaction. Those blue eyes would light up with excitement and those full lips would lift into a smile. Her smile was one of the things I loved most about her. Thinking about her evokes so many emotions in me. I’m sad our life together was so short-lived, but I’m honoured to have met her in the first place, and that’s what I try and focus on.
I look down at the small silver pendant I clutch in my hand—the same one I’ve been carrying with me everywhere for the last six months. At every destination, I twist open the tiny silver heart and sprinkle a little piece of Erin. She wanted to be everywhere, and I was doing my best to make that a reality.
The night I found Erin’s letter, I’d called Calli to ask her something.
“I don’t even know how to say this,” I’d said with an embarrassed laugh. “You said Erin wanted to be cremated so she could be anywhere and do anything. I want to do that for her. Let me take her to all the places that I know she would love and let her go.”
“You want to release her ashes?” Calli asked, her voice soft. “She’d love that idea, Cade. I think Mum and Dad would too.”
Two days after her funeral, Calli arrived back in London to hand Erin’s ashes over to me. I stayed at the airport with her for the few hours before she caught her connecting flight back home. From there, I began our journey.
In the last six months, I’ve made sure that Erin has seen more of the world than I bet she ever thought she would. I’ve been cave-diving in Mexico, skiing in Switzerland, elephant-riding in Thailand—and on every adventure, she was right there with me. Finally, it’s brought us here, to Iceland, to see the northern lights.
If I could only choose one place to release her ashes, it would’ve been here because, like Erin, it’s beauty is unrivalled.
My heart races as I unscrew the tiny heart for the last time. A rush of sadness shoots through me as I scatter the last of her ashes against the freezing cold wind and watch her disappear into the atmosphere. As if on cue, a fresh gust of wind hits me in the face, almost toppling me over.
I smile. She’s here with me. I’m sure of it.
This is where my trip ends. Iceland is my last stop before I head back over to London to finish my medical degree. I had to jump through so many hoops to get my credits transferred over to the prestigious University College, but with the help of Erin’s surgeon and his connections, I’m in. I’ve been given a great opportunity, and I’m going to make the most of it, because if there’s one thing Erin taught me, it’s that life goes on.
No matter what happens, the world doesn’t stop moving, even if it feels like it should.
