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“Oh.” She clearly didn’t understand anything about the lifestyle and I didn’t know if I could do this to her, expose her to it after the horrible things I’d already done.
My jaw hurt from holding back with gritted teeth. None of this was her fault, but now this was out in the open and I felt vulnerable to her because I cared about her. I didn’t like it on the flip side. “The club is a part of who I am. It’s something I have participated in with consenting partners, I like it. Do you get what I’m saying?”
“You say that like…maybe you wanted me there.” She has no clue how badly I wanted her there in that environment.
“I might have thought about it, but it doesn’t matter now because it’s probably something we’ll never do.”
“Why?”
“Aren’t you afraid?”
“Of the company Ella keeps, yes. Of you, no. I guess in a way I just know you wouldn’t take it past a certain point.”
“But that my darling is where you’re wrong. So very wrong. I want to blow past your barriers and go beyond your comfort zone. That’s why I’m partly afraid to tell you everything about me.”
“So take me back. Show me what it can be like.”
“Absolutely not, that’s crazy.” She’s crazy. She looks at me as if her eyes would burn right through me. Crazy was one of those female trigger words and I was kicking myself. I should have known better than to use it.
“So I’m not an idiot, but I’m crazy?” I kind of liked crazy. This kind of crazy could be hot on Jude if I handled it right.
“No you’re absolutely infuriating, stunning and defying at every turn.” Yes, much better. I stepped closer to her and see the moment her body realizes I’m there, so close to her like an animal waiting to pounce. The baby fine hairs on the back of her neck rise in goosebumps. “Don’t put words in my mouth just because I’ve been silently bidding my time here.”
“Then you should put that mouth to good use don’t you think?” She is so fucking crazy it turns me on in seconds with her suggestion. Standing behind her I let myself breath in her scent for a moment before laying a soft kiss against her exposed neck.
“It’s a horrible idea, Jude.”
“But I want you to do it.”
“You might want that, but I’m not ready for that. Besides you’re trying to top me and I don’t like that.”
“Top?” She tests the word out and I realize she doesn’t have a damn clue what that means, what any of it means.
I am so fucked right now.
“It’s a BDSM thing.”
“BDSM?” Her face softens testing out the letters together. My dick pulsed realizing how much ground there was to possibly cover with this darling girl.
“Didn’t Ella tell you anything?” Standing so close to her was poison whittling away at my self-control.
“Not much beyond experimenting, I’ve read some, but I thought she meant we would be experimenting. Alone. Not with her idiot master.”
Turning her to face me, I use my finger to pick her chin up and look into her eyes, curiously a soft brown. “That’s the whole point of The Club.”
“Uh.”
“Of course she didn’t.” Groaning, I step away from her proximity trying to shake sense into myself because this was all a very bad idea. A very arousing bad idea.
“So tell me.”
Sighing, I leaned into her pulling her to me. “I’d rather show you, but I think you’ve had enough lessons for one night.”
“Lorand.”
“No Jude. I think we’ve had enough excitement for one evening then to be experimenting with that stuff.”
“You mean sex.” The little minx has me wrapped up tight, one more pull of the string and I’m likely to unravel.
