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He walked around her rigi
d back and confronted her with a weary resignation that battered more fiercely at her bruised heart than had his earlier angry contempt. 'What do you want me to do? Make you pretty promises that neither of us would believe? In between last night and this morning, Princess, you misplaced some of that fine courage of yours. Last night we discovered things about each other, elemental things... this morning you act as if that makes us enemies. Is being so close to another human being so terrifying, Fran? You're not running to anything as much as away from it. You've locked yourself into one set of options and it has blinded you to others. We all have to live with compromises, Fran, small and large...if we don't bend to life we break. The bottom line here is that I'm prepared to take a risk on us, to nurture growth, and you're not. What do you really want, Fran? Do you know? If you get what you think you want, will it be enough?'
'Yes.' Defiant to the last.
So he had let her walk out of his life, speeding her on her way with one last, poison-tipped barb that had pierced her armoured emotions.
'If you change your mind about what you want, look me up. But don't wait too long, Princess. Unlike you, I don't fight what I am—a human being with passions and physical appetites, and a human need for emotional as well as physical intimacy...'
'What's the matter, don't you like it?'
'What? Oh!' Fran blinked at the omelette on the table in front of her and picked up her fork to taste. 'It's delicious, Beth. Sorry, I was miles away.'
Brooding. She couldn't stop herself indulging in the torture of speculation. Where was Ross now? What was he doing? Had he found someone else already to stimulate his wretched human appetite? If he hadn't...
'So, how's life in general treating you?' she asked Beth, firmly crushing her mind's treachery.
'Oh, great, the course is really terrific' Beth chattered on, but Fran was jolted out of her own jealous self-absorption by the realisation that the younger girl was straining for the right note of cheer, and she mentioned nothing of her personal life.
'Beth, everything is all right, isn't it?' she interrupted gently.
'Sure. Great!' Her cheerfulness wavered under the steady grey stare and suddenly her shoulders slumped. 'Does it show? Oh, Fran... I guess that's really why I came. I just don't know what to do...'
Oh no, thought Fran wryly, not you, too. 'Have you discovered that nursing isn't what you want to do, after all? It's nothing to be ashamed of, Beth, better now
than '
'It's not that,' Beth wailed. 'I love the nursing part. It's just that... that... Fran, it's so awful living in that institution...' It all came tumbling out. Beth had never been away from home and family before, and she was bitterly homesick. 'Don't tell me it'll pass, everyone tells me that and I know it's only a phase, but sometimes I really feel like chucking it all in!' she finished with dramatic misery.
Fran, to whom hostel living had been a pleasant change from the strict discipline and loneliness of home, nevertheless sympathised.
'Couldn't you have gone and lived with Ross?' The name, unspoken for months, stuck to her tongue lovingly and she had to force herself to continue. 'Instead of going to a hostel?"
'Ross lives about forty-three bus changes away from
Tech,' Beth exaggerated glumly, 'and we have quite a
few evening classes. He works all sorts of hours, too, so
I probably wouldn't see any more of him than I do now.
He's so busy...and when he does get time to himself I
don't suppose he wants a kid sister hanging around to
cramp his style.' She clapped a hand over her stricken
mouth in horror. 'I'm sorry, Fran, I forgot---------- '
'I wish I could,' Fran said wryly, and smiled to show her there were no hard feelings. At times, Beth's impulsiveness got the better of her tact.
'Anyway, I made such a terrible song and dance about being able to cope, boasting about striking out on my own, I'm-not-a-baby-any-more and so on, because Mum wanted me to stay with Aunty Celia who is nice enough in small doses but is practically a certified loony on the subject of what 'nice girls' don't do—mainly, have any fun at all.. .that I just can't go bawling to Ross. It would be so humiliating, and brothers can be rottenly unsympathetic, you know. Oh, Fran, what am I going to do?' A tearful plea, full of such trusting belief in her power to make things right was more than Fran could resist.
She sighed. 'I suppose you could stay here. The second bedroom is—'
'Oh, Fran, really? You life-saver! You darling!' Beth's heartfelt relief clutched at her before the words were out of her mouth. 'Mum'll be so chuffed! I think she was starting to read between the lines a bit... and she likes you and thinks you're really responsible... what a fantastic solution! You really are a darling to come up with it... though I must admit that when I saw that spare room I might have done a teensy weensy bit of subtle angling,' she grinned, her naturally sunny self readjusting to the new situation. 'Oh, Fran, you'll hardly even notice I'm here, I promise, and we'll have such fun...!'
The first wasn't at all true, but because of the second Fran found that the loss of her precious peace and quiet was much outweighed by the pleasures of Beth's company. Occasionally, with a look or a gesture or a remark, Beth would conjure up a stinging likeness to her eldest brother that struck Fran into speechless longing, but for the most part she added a dimension to Fran's life that had been missing. Beth was the sister she had never had, someone to take and give advice, someone to listen or moan to, to share small victories and defeats with, to go shopping with and giggle over the differences in taste. Because Fran refused to accept more from Beth than she had been paying in board at the hostel, the girl insisted on doing the lion's share of the housework, particularly the cooking. Fran, in turn, helped Beth with her studies. Passing on the benefit of her knowledge and experience not only appeased her last lingering guilt about forsaking her nursing career, but also the more immediate guilt that she had her own less than altruistic motives for taking the girl under her wing; she wanted to see Ross again.
