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Jonas!
“Allie.” He whispered her name as if he’d heard her internally screaming his. She felt him strain, stiffen, then pulse inside her, his eyes locked onto hers again, insisting she share the pleasure she’d given him. Then they lay face-to-face, mouths open, panting, and if the look in Jonas’s face was anything like hers, awed.
He dropped his head next to hers, pressing their cheeks together, digging his hands under her back to hold her tightly against him. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to memorize the feeling of his body on hers. She was still experiencing aftershocks from her orgasm that triggered more in him, their bodies coming down together. Slowly her breathing returned to normal. She felt the oddest combination of ripped open and triumphant.
Was anything simple where Jonas was concerned?
“Mmm.” He lifted his head. “Am I crushing you?”
She shook her head, smiling up at him.
“That was amazing, Allie. I’m—” He closed his eyes, shook his head briefly. “It was really wonderful.”
“Yes.” She was shy again, but not nearly as shy as before.
Jonas pulled reluctantly out of her, used tissues to dispose of the condom, and rolled back, pulling her against his chest. “Still want to get dressed up?”
“Hmm.” She tangled her leg in his, knowing it was what he wanted to hear, then immediately prodding herself to tell him the truth. “Maybe sometimes.”
“It was hard to talk you out of this time.”
Allie shrugged, stroking the hair upward on his chest. This would be harder. “I guess I felt that without the clothes, it was just me.”
He was silent for so long that she lifted her head to see his face. He was looking at her incredulously. “You didn’t think I wanted just you?”
“No.” She frowned. “No, I didn’t mean that.”
“What did you mean?”
Allie moved restlessly, splaying her fingers against his sternum. “I meant...”
He tightened his hold on her. “Tell me. No bull. Just tell me.”
She nodded, remembering the deep feeling of connection while they were making love, the openness in his eyes. And Julie, saying Allie was using her past as an excuse to keep men at a distance. And the costumes. Maybe the awkwardness between them had been her fault, for not sharing enough of who she was from the beginning.
In as few words as possible, she told him. About her family. Their house. Her father leaving for another woman and their new life of poverty. Her mother’s descent into alcoholism. Her brothers’ lack of ambition, and recent criminal activity.
He listened quietly. When she had the courage to glance up at him, his expression was unreadable. Twice, she wanted to cut the story short, but forced herself to keep going, not to leave out anything crucial to who she really was.
When she finished, the silence was long and nearly unbearable.
Then he cleared his throat. “Why the shame, Allie?”
“Well it’s—” She laughed bitterly. “It’s not a pretty story.”
“No, it’s not. Why couldn’t you tell me this from the beginning? When I asked questions about your childhood? You shut me out.”
“I don’t—” She took a breath. “It’s not the kind of thing you can tell just anyone.”
“Uh...”
“No. Jeez. No, that came out wrong.” She gazed at him pleadingly. “You’re not just anyone, of course you’re not. But I hate that part of my life, I left it behind me for the most part. It’s not just you, I hardly tell anyone. And frankly, the last guy I told dropped me immediately.”
His eyes narrowed. “You think I’m the kind of person who would drop you because of something that happened twenty years ago? Because you don’t have money? You think I’m that shallow?”
His words hit her like a kick to the stomach. Of course he’d see it that way. Who wouldn’t? Why hadn’t she realized how it would seem to him?
“No,” she whispered. “I don’t think you’re that shallow. But I’m beginning to wonder if I am.”
14
IT WAS A RELIEF to be back at work, with everything going as expected, everything under control. Jonas’s weekend with Allie at Lake George had been anything but. Friday night, when he’d finally made love to her the way he’d wanted to from the moment he first met her in New York last Christmas, he’d been sure he was falling in love with her. He was even plotting to talk her out of taking the job in New York, and wondering how he could convince her to move to Boston. He’d like nothing better than to help support her while she started her own business, though he was well aware it was too soon to make those kinds of plans. He’d even fleetingly thought of starting his own company in New York, though it made little business sense given the wide array of contacts and clients he had here in Beantown. Still, in today’s mobile world anything was possible.
