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“Do that again,” he warned.
A smirk worked its way over my face as I gripped the edge of the drapes and flung them aside. Light filtered through the streaked window, landing on the piles of unwashed clothes strewn about the floor. I snapped my gaze back to Ren and hit him again. Big fella needed some motivation. “Yeah? What’ll you do?”
With a low growl, he twisted the top half of his body up and swung his legs around, dropping his feet to the floor with a light thud. Elbows planted on his bent knees, he braced his forehead in his hands. “Fuck.”
I sighed as I sank down beside him, clapping a hand around his shoulder through the stained white shirt. I couldn’t even fucking begin to comprehend what he was feeling. After everything he’d lost this year, it was a miracle he was still functioning—even like this.
Ren had been like a brother since pre-K, as close to family as you could get without sharing the same blood. I couldn’t undo any of the shit he’d experienced, but I fucking would get him through it. Right now, he needed less kid gloves and more boxing gloves.
With a hard slap to his back, I stood and looked down at him.
Murky, bloodshot eyes travelled up and came to rest on mine, pooled with despair and regret. With every poor decision he’d ever made, every tragic twist of fate. I had to gulp past the ball wedged in my windpipe. I fucking hated this for him. Hated seeing him like this.
Clearing my throat loudly, I dipped my head and cracked my palms together.
He was going to have to face it. There was no other way around it. It might hurt like a bitch, but he had to deal with it to move forward. They both did. Guilt took hold of me. I’d made zero effort to see how the other casualty in all of this was doing.
“Up,” I clipped, moving through the doorway, and into the bathroom. “I’ll get the shower running. You get your ass in it.” I snagged a towel from the closet and pitched it to him. “I’ve got somewhere I need to go for a few minutes. You good?”
He looked up at me and blinked slowly. His dark expression suggested I should get the fuck out of his sight. Whistling low through pursed lips, I tapped two fingers against my head in a salute and retraced my steps down the hall.
For the second time today, it felt like I was trying to drag lumps of lead across the trailer park as I headed to Riley’s place. A debilitating sense of remorse made the short walk feel like trekking through clay.
Standing outside of Riley’s trailer, I raised my hand and drummed my fingers lightly against the door, waiting a second before reaching for the knob. Then I paused, hand suspended in mid-air. I never used to think twice about letting myself into Riley’s place unannounced, the same way I never had with Ren. I’d practically lived at both of their places when we were kids.
As my gaze slowly tracked around the park, images of Riley with her blonde hair in curly pigtails and a band aid covering one scrape or another played out in my head like a film reel. My hand fell.
She wasn’t that girl anymore. I wasn’t the moon-eyed boy who followed her every move anymore, either.
We weren’t kids anymore. None of us.
My attention shifted back to the door, and I gave a solid rap before taking a step back. A shuffle sounded before it swung open, revealing the heart-shaped face and emerald green eyes of Riley Mason. I’d only seen her a handful of times since school let out, but I hadn’t checked in enough.
Once upon a time, I’d look at her and every ounce of blood would rush to my dick. It didn’t happen now. Hadn’t for a long while. The thought of her and Ren had messed with my head and left a bitter taste in my mouth a few months back. I was well over it now. Anyone with eyes in their head could see they belonged together. Life kept ripping them apart.
“Hi.” She smiled, her eyes warm but wary.
I still loved her as a friend, and cared about her, but I hadn’t been there when she’d needed me. I doubted she even had. She’d had Lissa…
The face belonging to the name flashed through my mind, and I felt that familiar shift in my pulse, the same random little kick that threw me for a loop whenever she dropped into my head.
The Snow Queen had done a number on me, and the callous fucking way she’d cut me down still smarted. When I let my thoughts linger on her for too long, they tended to stray toward the kind of territory I wasn’t interested in venturing into. The kind where I tried to figure out what the fuck I’d done wrong. I gave my head a firm shake and looked at Ri.
“Can I come in?”
She hesitated, catching her lip between her teeth. Uncertainty flashed across her green eyes as she tucked a section of tousled blonde hair behind her ear. Then her fingers closed around the edge of the door and she eased it back, holding it wide to let me pass.
My eyes swept around the room, noting how tidy the place was. It looked neater than I’d ever seen it. Daylight streamed in through gleaming windows and it smelled like fresh laundry. The pull-out bed was in couch form, small square cushions and patterned throw blankets positioned strategically on it.
Not that they usually lived like pigs or anything, but the last time I saw the couch folded back was… never. And Riley’s mom worked most nights, so it was usually dark during the day.
“Place looks great,” I voiced my thoughts.
Riley’s eyes followed my wandering gaze, and she hitched a shoulder up, a light smile touching her lips. “My mom’s been home a lot. She reduced her hours at the club, bought some fancy cushions, baked a cake. She’s being all mom like.”
I bobbed my head. “She’s killing it.”
Riley’s quiet chuckle was like music to my ears, and my chest filled with affection. She’d had people around her. When she’d needed them, the people she loved had stepped up. It didn’t alleviate my guilt much, but I was glad.
