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When I got home, I was trembling. My heart was racing, and my mind was completely unfocused. I was a mess and couldn't stop shaking as I paced the living room. I could hear mom and Olivia down the hall, but I wasn't ready to come face-to-face with them. Not yet, anyway. Tears streaked my face and I needed to get myself back under control before I trusted myself not to fall apart in front of them.
How could I have been so stupid? I could have been killed – or worse. If Shane was involved with that sort of life, there was no way I could be involved with his. There was no doubt my daughter would have to come first. She'd always come first to me, regardless of who I happened to be dating, or how I happened to feel about them.
Olivia was my priority and always would be.
I heard footsteps in the hallway though and knew that they'd heard me come in. I couldn't hide forever, so I did my level best to choke down my emotions. I wiped my eyes, cleared my throat, and tried to stuff that swirling maelstrom of emotions inside of me down deep.
My heart was literally shattering inside of me, but I needed to put on a happy face for my little girl.
Things with Shane were over for good. There was nothing that would be worth the risk of losing my daughter. Nothing. As much as it broke my heart to even consider it, I had to cut all ties with him. “Mommy!” Olivia called out, her little feet pitter-pattering across the floor as she reached for me with a smile.
My own mother followed behind, her head cocked, a concerned look on her face. Judging by her expression, she could tell I'd been crying. It's that gift, that sixth sense that allows them to see through all of your diversions and emotional barriers, that all mothers seem to have. “Is everything okay?” she asked me, looking at me closely. “You're home early.”
“Yeah, there was an incident at the store. I'm fine,” I said, waving her off. “But, they decided to close down for the rest of the day.”
Mom studied my face seriously but nodded. She wasn't going to push me just yet, not while I was holding my baby girl. Olivia was in my arms and I covered her face with kisses, which helped stop the crying once and for all. My baby girl giggled wildly, squirming in my arms until I put her back down.
“I'm just going to lay down for a bit, I'm still a little shaken up,” I said.
I was headed toward my bedroom when there was a knock at the door. I stopped, my body tensing so hard my muscles ached as I froze in place. I feared who might be on the other side of the door and I immediately began trying to figure out who it could be. More cops? They'd questioned me at the store. Did they have more questions for me? Could it be someone else? Someone who knew I'd witnessed what had really gone down?
My heart stopped. I knew my story sounded flimsy and I was terrified that they'd find me out. I didn't know if I'd get into trouble for not exactly telling them the whole truth – I'd omitted a big part of the story.
Before I could tell my mom to not answer the door though, she'd already opened it. I turned, fearing the worst – that the cops were there to slap me in cuffs and haul me away right in front of my little girl. Somehow thou
gh, when I saw who was standing there, I realized getting dragged out of the house by the cops actually wasn't the worst that could have happened.
“Shane, I told you – ” I said, shaking my head and biting off my words, not wanting to say too much in front of my mom.
“Listen, Piper. Please, just listen to me, will you?” he practically begged. “Just give me a chance to explain.”
“No. Nope. Not interested in hearing it,” I said, pointing toward the door. “Out. The last thing I need is trouble brought into my family. I've had enough of that lifestyle already. I don't need more of it. Get out.”
I tried to stay strong, to not cry in front of my daughter and mother. Our voices were raised a bit and there was definitely tension in the air. I cut a glance over at Olivia who looked scared out of her mind, and my mother took the hint and gathered her up, giving both me and Shane a sideways glance as she left the room. She carried my little girl down the hall to her room as my baby stared at me with wide, frightened eyes.
Shit. That was exactly why I left that life behind. To protect her. To keep her from being scared or hurt – and there I was failing at it.
“Piper, it's not what you think,” he said.
He closed the distance between us and stood before me, his eyes filled with pain, shimmering with unshed tears.
“I lost you once, I can't lose you again,” he said.
His voice was thick with emotion and he sounded sincere, but I couldn’t let myself fall into that. Not again. Olivia meant way too much to me to get involved with that lifestyle again.
“I used to feel the same way, Shane. I did,” I said. “But my daughter comes first. And if you're caught up in that crap, I can't risk it.”
The tears welled, burning my eyes again. Shit. Why did I have to care so much for him? Why did it have to hurt this badly? It killed me to find that he wasn't the man I thought him to be. That he wasn't the same man he'd been back then. It should be easy to let go, considering all that I'd gone through with Trent.
Yet, I found myself wanting to listen to him. To hear him out. To believe him and give him a second chance. Even after giving Trent countless second chances, all of which he'd abused, there I was looking to do it all over again with Shane.
Shane was different though, right? I thought so, but maybe I was just a bad judge of character. Maybe I was so busy seeing the good in somebody, that I didn't stop to look at the reality of them. I never would have pegged him for someone involved with drugs. Never in a million years. Yet, there we were.
“It was a one-time deal,” he said, then cringed. “Okay, that's not true, I've run a few jobs for Tim. But, it was only because I was desperate, Piper. Do you know what it feels like to be desperate to provide for the people you love? To know that if you don't do something, that you'll have to watch them go hungry? This isn't about getting new clothes or a new car. This is about making sure they have food in their bellies before they go to sleep at night.”
“I do know what it’s like to be that desperate, but I'd never sink that low. I would have found another way,” I spat. “I could lose my daughter, Shane.”
“I didn't know that,” he said, his voice soft as he ran a hand through his hair. “I honestly didn't know that. I just – I wasn't thinking.”
