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I needed to get back home and think.
The cab pulled up just as I was walking out, and I slipped into the back seat, leaving everyone and everything in my rearview mirror. I rested my head against the seat and closed my eyes.
I placed my hand over my stomach and gently caressed it. I had never really had a definite plan for having children, but now that I was, I couldn’t help but feel protective. I wanted my child to have the best of everything I could give him or her. But lately, all I seemed to find was misery and conflict. I couldn’t seem to do anything right.
Sure, I still had the guys willing to help me out, but I needed more than just them. I needed my family. I needed my best friend. I needed my damn job because I wouldn’t rely on the Anderson boys for my survival or the survival of my child.
I wanted my child to be loved and cherished. Not just by the guys, but by everyone. However, each day brought something new and terrible. Something that reinforced the idea that I wouldn't be accepted. That my child wouldn’t be accepted. That the guys and I wouldn’t be accepted. I loved them. All of them. All for different, yet equal, reasons. I couldn’t imagine having one of them in my life without the other three, but every time I turned around someone was angry.
Angry at me.
Angry at all of us.
If things were supposed to settle into place, then what did that mean for the choice I’d made?
Was my life going to somehow end up in a blatant series of catastrophic events because of one decision I made while drunk?
The cab pulled up in front of my townhome and I didn’t even remember the drive. I paid the driver and walked into my house. I rummaged around in the fridge, realizing in my haste to get out of the hotel, I hadn’t eaten. I settled on a few pieces of toast and a banana and was happy when I kept it down.
I knew that I needed to focus on my health, for my sake as well as the baby’s. I needed to be taking better care of me, and not worrying so much about everyone else. And the first thing I needed was a week’s worth of sleep.
CHAPTER 24
LIAM
I’d tried calling Samantha for the past few days. Luke told us that Lauren had found out that we’d all slept together in Vegas, and she was pissed off at all of us, but especially at Samantha. I was worried for Samantha’s well-being. I knew my other brothers were trying to call her as well, but this time I wasn’t letting up. Too much was happening in Samantha’s life for her to close us out and not talk about this. That was fine if she wanted to digest everything and pick it apart or whatever the fuck Levi said she needed. But this was Lauren who was upset with her. Her best friend since elementary school. The girl she grew up beside and had all her teenage adventures with. The closest thing to a sister she would ever have.
After three days of Samantha not picking up the phone, I took an early day off work. I drove over to her place and knocked on her door, not letting up until I heard her walking around behind it. I continued to knock, even though I heard her approaching the door. I continued to knock even though I saw her shadow underneath the doorway. I continued to knock despite watching the doorknob turn, and my wrist continued to move even after the door pulled away from my hand.
“What?” Samantha asked.
“This is getting ridiculous,” I said. “Why aren’t you answering your phone?”
“Because I don’t feel like talking, Liam.”
“Luke told us Lauren knows. You need to talk, Samantha. To someone.”
“And you need to understand right now that you might control your brothers, but you don’t control me.”
“I’m not trying to control you, but you’re dealing with a lot. You need to lean on us, Samantha. On me,” I said.
“What is there to lean on about? I’m happy to talk with you,” she said.
“You say you’re happy, but I know you’re not. The scowl on your face. The way your fist is bunched up.”
“It’s a figure of speech, Liam. The point is, everything’s happening, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Lauren wants nothing to do with me. My parents will never be the parents I want them to be. I’m stuck between pulling away from you guys to salvage things with my best friend and leaving her in the dust so I can lean on you guys. It’s as simple as that and nothing else.”
“Let me in,” I said.
To my surprise, that worked. She stepped off to the side and let me into her home. I turned around and grasped her arms within my palms. I felt the tension that filled her body. I saw the sea of uncertainty ebbing and flowing in her eyes. This wasn’t about not leaning on us. This wasn’t about not wanting to open up.
“Your life doesn’t have to change,” I said. “Being pregnant doesn’t have to derail your plans.”
“How can it not?” she asked as tears welled in her eyes. “A child changes everything.”
“But it doesn’t have to change you, Sam. It doesn’t have to change where you take your life. Yes, things are rough right now. Yes, Lauren’s a little miffed at the moment.”
“She’s more than miffed.”
