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“Do you need a few more minutes?” she asked.
More like a few more months or years, I thought. I could act all calm and cool while talking to Casey about it, but truthfully, I was as scared as she was. My head was spinning, and my gut was churning. I was excited, but terrified beyond all measure. I was going to be responsible for another life, and I'd be doing it alone.
“I think I'm ready,” Casey said. “What about you, Malcolm?”
“I'm not sure I'll ever be ready,” I muttered to myself. Katrina and Casey stared at me. “Sorry, I meant, yes. I know what I want.”
I gave Casey's hand a squeeze before pulling my hand away and quickly opening the menu. We ordered lunch, and while we tried to make small talk, it was clear there was an awkwardness between us. The conversation was a little bit strained – not easy and free-flowing like it had been the other night, which made me a little sad. I'd had a good time with Casey.
“I'm going to talk to my lawyer and get some legal things worked out,” I said.
Casey nodded. “What clinic will we be using?”
“A clinic?”
“For the fertilization process.”
Oh. Shit.
“There may be a problem with that,” I said, gritting my teeth. “This is really strange and awkward, but I was actually thinking we'd go about this the old-fashioned way.”
Casey's eyes widened even more, and she was speechless. Her mouth opened to speak, but no words came out for the longest time. Finally, she swallowed hard and blinked at me.
“The old-fashioned way,” she said. “As in we sleep together?”
I cleared my throat and couldn't meet her eyes for a long moment. “Yeah, I mean, unless that's a problem for you,” I said. “I mean, with a clinic, there’s at least a six-week wait for testing and all of that. But if this is a problem for you then—"”
“No,” she said quickly, cutting me off. “No problem. No problem with that at all.”
Her voice came our hoarse and a little raspy, and she took a long drink from her iced tea. I could see her trying to physically compose herself. I recognized it, because I was trying to do the same thing. There really was no graceful way of going about asking her to sleep with me though. I'd done the best I could.
“No problem at all,” she said. “It's just not what I was expecting.”
“I've been checked, I have a clean medical history and will share all of the records with you,” I said slowly. “And I'd appreciate it if you could do the same.”
“Meaning tests for STDs?”
“Exactly.”
Her dry laugh took me by surprise. “Yeah, that won't be a problem,” she said. “I'm definitely clean. Just let me know what you need.”
“Thank you.”
All of this felt surreal. I felt like I was walking through a dream. We were talking about hooking up and making a baby like it was a business transaction – which, I guess it kind of was. Our conversation about it though, was cold and clinical, only adding to the strangeness of the situation.
Casey ordered some cheesecake, but I passed on it myself. I was lost in thought, trying to figure out everything we'd need to take care of before we slept together, and trying to fight off a case of nerves in the process.
“You don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, do you?” I asked.
“None of the above,” she said, shaking her head.
“You don't even drink occasionally?”
“Nope. Haven't since my twenty-first birthday and I don't plan to start anytime soon,” she s
napped at me.
There it was. That attitude again. That fire and spunk. She wasn't about to make this easy on me. But, in the end, it would be worth it. For the both of us. I'd be sure to see to it.
