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Her options were the following:
One, pretend she was still only interested in the friends-with-benefits arrangement Zac wanted. She’d risk nothing that way, and keep her heart safe. She’d also probably spend the rest of her life wondering what would have happened if she’d told Zac she wanted more.
Two, she could admit to Zac that she wanted more and...
Subparagraph a) Zac could respond positively. That would be honest, which was generally a good idea, and could open the door to a richer and more intimate relationship, which, given that she wouldn’t be here much longer, could be either short-term or long-distance, neither of which suited her.
Subparagraph b) Zac could respond negatively, bringing on rejection, humiliation and/or heartbreak, and ruining their chances for a long-term friendship.
Three, Chris could hint at her feelings and see how he reacted. If he seemed put off, she could easily back down. If he seemed pleased, she could push a little further. Repeat as needed. This was the wimpiest, safest and most practical option, which meant she’d probably go with it.
Up until a few months ago, she would have chosen that option without thinking.
Now? She wasn’t sure about anything anymore.
Chris sighed and went to look at herself in the mirror for the dozenth time. She wasn’t even sure about her outfit. The day was warm for February—California warm, in the seventies. She’d chosen a short flared black skirt with a rose pattern in corals, pinks and greens and a fitted white blouse with short sleeves and tucks down the front. On her feet, black strappy sandals.
Too country? Not sexy enough? Too formal? Too casual?
Oh, for crying out loud. She was officially exhausting herself.
This was what she was wearing. There. Decided. As for what to do and how to act around Zac, she’d make it up as she went along.
Done.
By the time Zac showed up half an hour later, she was calmer, thanks to a sustained effort to relax. The skills she’d learned at the Peace, Love and Joy Center were not totally wasted. Even if she’d never become a calm person or be able to live entirely in the moment, she certainly had a better ability to look inside herself and admit truths she might have previously denied.
And then there was the other thing, which no amount of meditating or looking inward could do for her. One look into Zac’s blue eyes and her stress and angst began dissolving into pure pleasure. The fact that he grabbed her and kissed her as if he hadn’t seen her for weeks didn’t hurt, either.
“Hi.” He rested his forehead against hers. “I missed you. How dumb is that?”
She laughed, taken aback. She hadn’t expected emotion like that from Zac. “I’d say pretty dumb. Which must mean I’m pretty dumb, too.”
“Yeah?” He brushed her hair back from her face, watching her with his steady, warm gaze. “Aren’t we supposed to be take-it-or-leave-it with each other?”
“So we messed up this time.” She shrugged. “We’ll just make more of an effort to enjoy each other less.”
“We can only try.” He grasped her chin and brought her mouth to his, kissing her leisurely until she felt that sweet jelly-doughnut thing happening again. “Uh-oh.”
“What is it?” She sounded like a breathless fool.
Probably because she was one.
“I enjoyed that, too. Sorry, Chris.”
She gave him a reproving look. “We’ll have to stop, then. No more kissing.”
“Yeah, forget that.”
They stood smiling at each other like complete morons until Chris finally took a step back and broke the moron spell. “Want to come in?”
“Are Eva and Ames home?”
“Does it matter?” She giggled at his are-you-kidding-me expression. “They’re out for dinner and not expected back for hours.”
“Hours.” He frowned, looking perplexed. “I guess it’s kind of rude to celebrate that, huh.”
“It is, but I’ll join you.” She gestured him into the living room. “How was work today, dear?”
He chuckled. “The usual. I had a weird call from Gus, though. Apparently he’s misplaced Bodie.”
“So he said. He came into Slow Pour today. With his new girlfriend.”
“No way, really?”
