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She jumped up to hug me when I walked over to her. We sat down and ordered our food, Janie already having my drink ready and waiting for me. I grinned and took a sip as she talked my ear off about her date last night.
“He was okay,” she said with a shrug. “But nothing special. I mean, he’s cute, but he doesn’t make my heart race, you know? I need my heart to race.”
“I totally understand,” I said, thinking about Sean and smiling to myself.
“What was that?” Janie demanded, pointing at my face.
“What was what?” I asked innocently.
“That little smile,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “You were totally thinking about sex, weren’t you?”
“No,” I said firmly. “Not exactly.”
“Uh huh,” she said, not believing me. “Then what?”
“Just Sean.” I shrugged. “I was just thinking about Sean.”
“What about him?” Janie asked, leaning across the table.
Our food arrived so I didn’t get a chance to answer. We ate and chatted about nothing important while my mind stayed focused on Sean. I wondered what he was doing, if the kids were fighting, or if they were giving him some peace and quiet so he could write. I knew they weren’t. They never did unless I distracted them. Still, I imagined he was having fun playing with them. It was rare that he got them all to himself anymore.
“You’re still thinking about him,” Janie said wisely. “Aren’t you?”
“I can’t help it,” I said with a sigh. “He’s amazing, Janie. I can’t even begin to tell you how wonderful he’s been lately. I mean, just today, he insisted I take the day off because I work too hard. He told the kids not to wake me up this morning because he wanted to let me sleep in. He even tried to cook me breakfast, which was terrible, because he can’t cook, but still, how sweet is that? I mean, he’s just so caring and considerate. I’ve never known anyone who was like that.”
“Sounds like a dream come true,” Janie said. “But he is right. You do need a day off every once in a while. Watching those kids is your job, not your life.”
“I know,” I said. “But I love it. I really do. Tommy is reading so well now. He’s sped through the last two books I bought him, and he’s halfway through the third. He’ll be way ahead of the other kids when school starts back up. And Sarah, she’s a little nervous to start kindergarten, but I know she’s ready. She’s so smart and spunky, Janie. God, you would love her. Sometimes her little attitude reminds me of you.”
“How?” Janie laughed. “I have the attitude of a five-year-old?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “She has the attitude of a someone five times her age. She’s strong and brilliant, and she knows exactly what she wants. She picks fights with Tommy when she’s bored because she just can’t sit still. It’s all because she’s so smart that she doesn’t know what to do with herself. They’re both such amazing kids, Janie.”
“So, what about your goal to focus on opening your own daycare? What’s happening with that?”
“That hasn’t changed. It’s still in my plan. I just don’t have any idea how I’ll make it work, and for not I’ve got to get myself out of all the school debt.”
“Well I’m happy to see you so cheerful. I’ve never seen you like this about a job,” Janie said.
“Because it’s not just a job,” I said. “And it’s not just the kids. Sean makes it all worth it, too, you know? He’s the best dad I know. I mean, after his wife died, he just took over everything for them. He takes care of them so well. Even when he was dark and moody toward everyone, he was never distant with them. They’re his entire world. It’s amazing.”
“Are you guys still sleeping together?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said. “But it’s not just that, Janie. I swear. He’s so nice, and I really like him. I mean, the sex is unbelievable. There’s never a night when I don’t go to bed completely satisfied, but I’m just as excited to see him in the morning, you know? It’s like I can’t get enough of being around him or the kids.”
“Sounds like you’re in love,” Janie said with a knowing smile.
“What?” I scoffed. “No. We don’t even know each other that well yet. I’m not in love with him. Not yet anyway.”
“You are,” Janie said with confidence. “I can see it.”
I just shook my head and took another bite of my food. Janie’s confidence meant nothing because I knew myself better. There was no way I was in love with Sean Evans after just a few weeks of knowing him. Him and his kids barely moved to town. Sean and I just started sleeping together. I liked him a lot, but this wasn’t love. Not yet. It couldn’t be, could it?
After we finished our lunch, Janie and I said goodbye and parted ways. I took my time getting home, still playing my conversation with Janie over in my head. She seemed so sure that I loved Sean. The way she looked at me was full of certainty and confidence, but I didn’t want to believe her. Sean and I were just getting to know each other. There wasn’t any reason to rush things between us, and it was especially too early to be throwing around the word love.
Still, as I walked through the door and my eyes fell on Sean’s face, my heart skipped a beat. The kids ran up to hug me and ask if we could all play a game. I said yes, but I felt distant the whole time. I could barely raise my eyes to meet Sean’s gaze, and when I did, I didn’t hold it for longer than a second.
I went to bed that night, still thinking about Janie’s words, and terrified of my own feelings. What if she was right? What if, already, I was falling in love with Sean Evans? How would I deal if I found out that Sean didn’t share the same feelings for me?
