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Miranda felt a pang of sadness for Jeremiah. He had no one to lean on, no one to care about. “As much as my family has a few loose screws, I can’t imagine life without them. I think that’s what makes the current situation so tough. I have lots of good memories. My dad was like the Alaskan version of Grizzly Adams. He taught us how to shoot, trap, track and basically live off the land if we had to. It was a constant adventure.”
“My dad wasn’t the outdoors type. He was probably the only person in Wyoming who didn’t own a gun. I had to learn on my own because unlike him, I liked to get out there once in a while. My dad was more of an academic. He enjoyed books and instilled in me a love of knowledge.”
“Do you miss your parents?”
“Every day. Some days are harder than others.”
That was how she felt about Simone. “Losing a family member...I don’t think you ever truly recover from it. I mean, the constant pain dulls but there’s always an ache deep inside to remind you of what’s gone.” Jeremiah nodded and she knew he was thinking of his son. “Did you want more kids?” she asked cautiously, knowing the question was planted in painful memories.
“I did. But Josie had a hard enough time carrying Tyler and we decided one was enough.” Jeremiah looked away. “We told ourselves that we’d be able to give our one child everything he needed without having to split our resources between siblings. It’d seemed a solid plan.”
“I never expected to be a mother,” Miranda shared. “I hardly felt qualified to handle my own life much less be in charge of someone else’s. But once I had Talen, my outlook on life changed and I realized he was the best thing I’d ever done. I like to think that kids take the absolute best of each of their parents.”
“And Talen’s father...?”
“Dead. Thank God.” At Jeremiah’s quick look, she explained briefly, saying, “He was bad news. I was going through a rough time and he seemed an excellent way to ruin my life and self-destruct at the same time. It was a two-for-one deal.”
“Why were you punishing yourself?”
“At the time, I was hurting so badly and I didn’t have anyone to turn to. My brothers were going through their own thing and my parents... Well, I already told you how they dealt with Simone’s death. It was bad times all around.”
“I hate the idea of you in such pain,” he said, his gaze soft. She tried not to melt under the warmth of his stare, knowing they had to keep their distance from one another, but it was hard, particularly when they were being so open with one another.
“Well, I’m much better now,” she said, forcing a smile to break the connection pulling them together. “Once I had Talen I knew I couldn’t chance hooking up with another loser like Johnny, so I kept my distance from commitment of any kind in order to protect Talen.”
“Sacrificing yourself for the sake of your child sounds noble, but in the end, it’s really you finding a different packaging for your own issues,” he said quietly. “Trust me, I know a lot about justifying.”
“You’re right but I was also right. You see, so many kids have to deal with a revolving door of people in their lives and it hurts them. I never wanted my son to suffer from my mistakes. And I know I make plenty of them. Yes, I was protecting myself but I was also protecting Talen.”
“You’re a good mother,” Jeremiah said. “Talen is a lucky kid.”
She smiled, warming at his compliment. “Thank you. I try really hard. It’s not something that came naturally to me but when I look at his face each morning he gives me reason to be better than I was the day before.” She laughed a little in embarrassment at her own comment. She cast a quick glance his way. “Sappy, right?”
“Not at all. Never apologize for being a good parent. The world needs more parents who care as much as you do about your boy.”
Miranda accepted his advice and a moment stretched between them until she asked, “Where’s your ex-wife?”
At the mention of his former wife, Jeremiah’s mouth twisted in a sardonic smile that had little to do with anything joyful. “Josie is back in Wyoming, living in our former house with our former dog and her new husband.”
“Ouch.”
Jeremiah shrugged. “It is what it is. Giving her the house seemed the least I could do. Besides, I didn’t want it. Too many memories. I would’ve gone insane in that house.”
“You know it wasn’t your fault, right?”
“Yeah,” he acknowledged, but his answer rang hollow. He blamed himself as deeply as she blamed herself for her sister’s death. He shook himself free from his melancholy and a crooked smile followed. “New rule—no more serious personal stuff at the office. Brings everyone down.” He winked and pushed away from the doorframe. “I’ll let you know when those warrants come in,” he said, and he walked away with an air of sadness clinging to him like smoke.
