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“Well, dearie, why are ya tellin’ all this to me? I expect there’s a hurting lad who needs to hear it much more than I do.”
I grabbed for the pillow and yanked it over my face. Mrs. H yanked it away, glaring down at me.
“I can’t!” I said, sitting up. “I don’t know how! Emmett is the only person to look beneath all my masks and still like what he sees there. But I’ve been so terrified to peel back this last layer that proves I’m not his equal. He can’t love someone who’s not his equal; he’s said it over and over—he can’t trust them. He can’t trust me.” My voice cracked on the last word.
“But no matter how many times I wracked my brain, if I don’t come out of this with a husband….” I looked up at Mrs. H with tear-soaked eyes. “Mom was so much better before I left, talking about all the things we’d do once I got back. She looked hopeful and almost like her old self. I couldn’t bear to tell her that I wasn’t sure if I could play the part of a cold-hearted gold-digger. But then I got here, and it was nothing like that. Emmett was nothing like…. He’s amazing, Mrs. H. Beyond anything I could imagine. He’s kind and gentle and caring but also dominant as hell. I can barely breathe when I’m around him; he makes me high. Not to mention the sex.”
“Oh, I can imagine.” She laughed, a giddy little giggle in her voice. “The walls aren’t that thick.”
“Mrs. H!” I giggled along with her, a little scandalized at knowing she could hear us.
But she just waved a hand. “It’s healthy. Young folks have to get to know one another in all the important ways to find out if they’re… ahem… compatible.”
“Oh, we’re compatible,” I said, almost laughing, because we were so intensely compatible. “That’s not the problem.” I sighed.
“So what is, then, dearie?”
I just blinked at her. Hadn’t she been listening to a word I said? “Everything else! He’ll never forgive me. He’ll never trust me! He’ll never trust that I could love him for him—”
“And do you?” she cut me off.
I blanched at her just asking it outright. This was never supposed to be about love. But in the end, there was nothing to do but admit this final truth.
I nodded. “I never—”
But I wasn’t able to finish my sentence, because right then, the door pushed in. It was Emmett, an unreadable expression on his face. My head jerked between him and the door. Wait, how long had he been there? Had he heard what we’d been talking about? Had he heard Mrs. H ask if I loved him? I hadn’t been able to answer though, and he wouldn’t have seen my nod.
I looked back at his face, determined to find some clue there, but his expression was stony as he met my gaze.
“They’ve called a Trial for tonight. It’s our last one. If we pass, then we can finally be done with all this.”
18
EMMETT
It was the last Trial.
And I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I’d disappeared again from the room this morning as soon as I saw her tear-stained face. She looked like hell, and she was also the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Knowing tonight would be the end of it was the only thing that kept me on the grounds at all today.
I’d never been a man to fail at anything. I gave my all with everything I did, and it’d always been good enough to succeed. The idea of throwing anything nearly makes me ill. But after the bomb of information that was just placed in my lap, I was actually considering failing the Initiation in the final hour. On purpose.
Bellamy and I walked up to the closed doors leading to the ballroom, both in complete silence. We had said all that needed to be said. I sure as fuck had anyway. She’d tried to start up again with, “Just hear me out before we go down,” but I hadn’t even looked her way. I’d simply started down the stairs, and after a couple of moments, she hurried to catch up.
I didn’t even want to look at the girl, let alone be standing side by side with her, about to engage in a Trial that no doubt would involve me touching her, possibly even fucking her.
Which I didn’t want to do.
My walls were up, my heart now safely secured, and the last thing I needed to do was fire missiles at it.
The only item in the box that arrived for tonight was a tux for me and a white satin robe for Bellamy. Doubtful she’d be wearing the robe for long; I tried my best to not picture it sliding off her shoulders. We both had no idea what was in store for the night, but considering it was the final Trial, we knew it wouldn’t be easy to complete… if I even wanted to complete it.
