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“This is so good,” he said, his eyes alight with a familiar look of appreciation as, fork and steak knife in hand, he went in for another bite.
“Might be the best steak I’ve ever had,” she agreed, smiling at him.
He smiled back and in that second, her whole world was perfect.
* * *
She wasn’t drinking coffee, but ordered a cup of chamomile tea while Winston drank his after-dinner espresso. Happy just to sit at that table, with that man and their baby growing inside her. The type of moment they’d promised each other when they were fifteen-year-old kids.
Reality sat upon them as well. She didn’t ignore that there were struggles in their immediate sphere, but knew that she had to take strength where she could.
Glancing at her husband over the candle in the middle of their table, she wanted to tell him she loved him. Something she hadn’t said to him since the first day he’d been back. He hadn’t been open to such a declaration.
She had to believe that in time, he would be.
“You need to talk?” She prompted what she’d been sitting there dreading. If it had to happen, better for it to take place now, while she had the strength to know that she could deal with whatever it was. That she could get them through it.
“Yes.” Leaning back in his chair, he looked at her like there was nothing else in the room. Not sexually, just like she was all that was there. Her heart skidded, thudded. She reached for the chamomile. Took a hot sip. Felt it go down.
“I need to solidify my role in relation to the child.”
Solidify his role? She almost dropped her cup of tea. He wanted a role! Oh God, the heartbeat that morning had worked! Winston was beginning to feel the reality of being a father. To the point that he had to solidify his role!
Telling herself to calm down, to understand that the current Winston wasn’t going to be comfortable with a rush of emotion, she held her cup with both hands and nodded.
“I will, of course, provide financial support. That’s a given.”
Money was the furthest thing from her mind. Not even at the bottom of the worry list. Clearly it was important to him, though, which made it important to her, too. She nodded again. Waiting. He had things to say. She wanted to hear them.
“I need to know all the facts,” he told her next. “No matter what happens with you and me, I need to know everything pertaining to the child. Every step of the way. It’s the only way to prepare for eventualities.”
No matter what happens with you and me.
Calm down, she told herself as a flood of panic surfaced. This was nothing new...
“Of course you’ll know,” she said, tending to his immediate concern.
“You’ve been completely silent about the child, lately.”
Back to her earlier thought...giving him his space maybe hadn’t been the best way to go. She’d talked it over with the counselor—they’d had several phone sessions—and she’d agreed that it was best to let Winston set their pace.
“I didn’t think you wanted to know about it.” The urge to touch him was so strong, it hurt not to be able to do so.
“I didn’t.”
Oh. Well, then...
“Now I see the necessity.”
Okay. So...that was progress. Time doing its thing. The whole situation was bizarre beyond words, heartbreaking to watch the love of her life struggle so much to reacquaint himself with life. With himself.
And yet...she was so incredibly grateful that they’d been given this chance.
“I’m totally good with that,” she told him.
“Okay. So how did you feel today?”
“Fine.”
