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He sighed. Looked out at a room where patrons had come and gone.
She’d never seen such a deadly serious look in his eyes as she did when he trained them back on her. Her stomach knotted and she clutched the napkin in her lap into her fist.
“I cannot consider this option unless it is one hundred percent clear, openly and on the table, that I cannot be in a relationship with you.”
Pain sliced through her. The emotional kind that made her suck in her breath and tighten her abdominal muscles against tears that needed release. And in the next breath, she nodded.
Started to think. And to relax.
His not wanting anything personal between them made the plan that much more doable. It also allowed Elaina to safeguard herself against her tendency to lean on a man in her life.
Before she could tell him so, he continued, “I have a history of jumping headfirst and way too soon into relationships with women who need me, or who I feel need me, and everyone ends up getting hurt. This situation is ripe for a history repeat and I just can’t make that mistake another time. Especially not with a child involved who would continue to need both of us, even if we got together and then broke because we came together for the wrong reasons.” His wry grin made a bit of an exaggeration of his words, brought her heart back out of hiding, and yet...she heard a truth that calmed her, too.
She wasn’t the only one who had to fight weaknesses within.
It was nice. Knowing that.
It all made sense. Both of them on the same page. Probably why they’d worked as lovers with no strings attached for so long.
And so, to give back to him what he’d given to her, she said, “Not only do you have nothing to fear on that end, but I am as opposed to the two of us together as you are, for my own equally personal reasons.
“I...can’t get into the specifics...but...I can tell you that I have a habit of leaning on men for my own emotional security, without realizing that I’m not meeting their needs.”
“You’re speaking of Wood.”
Her brother-in-law’s name sounded foreign on Greg’s lips. Making her uncomfortable. As though she could no longer hide away from what she’d unknowingly become. Her gaze lowered, but she made herself look over at him, eye to eye.
“That man sacrificed years of his life to support me after the car accident that killed Peter. He married me, for practical reasons, but I didn’t love him in that way. And knowing that, I still allowed him to give up any chance he had to have a loving partnership, so he could give me what I needed. I let myself believe this situation made him happy. That I was giving him what he wanted.” She paused, teared up, but didn’t try to hide that from Greg. “I truly believed it, Greg...”
“Maybe you were.”
She shook her head. No. She was not letting herself off the hook again. Life was already too short for her to make up for the years she’d robbed him of. “We had an agreement, that if there ever came a time when our arrangement wasn’t working for one or the other of us, we’d tell the other. But he didn?
?t. He’d met the love of his life, was having a baby with her, and was still holding my hand.”
“Maybe that was his choice.”
“Of course it was his choice. He’s a grown man. But if I’d really cared for him as much as he deserves to be loved, rather than just selfishly accepting his support, I’d have seen what I was doing to him. And I didn’t.”
Probably because she hadn’t wanted to.
She’d wanted to hide out in Greg’s arms instead.
“It sounds like maybe we’re made for each other,” Greg said, serious and yet with an odd, quiet smile, as well. “What other woman could I have a baby with and not instantly propose marriage to, except one who is adamantly opposed to making another mistake as I am? One who has her own personal issues to tend to. As I do.”
That bedside manner again. Making everything sound like it was going to be okay.
And yet, he was right; in their own flawed ways, they were perfect for each other. Neither would threaten the other’s emotional well-being. Their individual weaknesses wouldn’t even get the chance to take control of them.
They both had personal battles to fight. And by staying apart, they were able to help each other fight their battles. Separateness put them in the same army.
She liked it.
“So you’re going to move into Wood’s suite? Just until everything gets figured out?”
“I should take a look at the space, see the rest of the house, and, assuming we both still think it’s a good idea, I’d very much like to be there with the baby.”
She smiled. Couldn’t help it. Just sat there grinning at him.
