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“We shouldn’t,” he amended. “Seriously.” He looked around, his gaze as hot and bewildered as she felt. That was a small consolation that she wasn’t in this alone, but it steadied her.
“The baby,” he said desperately.
“Is asleep,” she pointed out. She reached up and smoothed a hand over his cheek, loving the feel of his whiskers against her palm. She loved every nuance and discovery Jarvis allowed. He had so many textures and layers beneath that rough-and-ready exterior. “And he’s too young to remember anything he might see.”
She clamped her lips shut and didn’t protest when he stepped back. Pride would not allow her to beg for the connection or passion he wasn’t ready to give.
“Mia.” He pushed a hand through his hair, his chest expanding on a deep inhale. “I want you, but I don’t think it’s smart. For you.”
“Uh-huh.” She crossed her arms, reflexively preventing her heart from leaping into his hands. “Do you always lie to yourself?”
“Hang on.” He scowled at her. “I’m not lying to anyone. Being with me isn’t a smart move. It would be fun, unforgettable, no doubt. But I don’t buy into the whole family dynamic. You do. I—I’m more like your ex.”
Please. He could toss out all the excuses he wanted; she’d seen his reaction when she told him about Roderick’s response to her pregnancy. “You think having a baby ruined my body?”
“What?” His gaze raked over her, leaving her feeling scalded. “Hell no.”
“Then you’re nothing like my ex.” She recognized fear and uncertainty, having seen it often enough in the mirror lately. “I didn’t ask you for a ring or even a promise, Jarvis.” She had no idea how she was keeping her cool. “To be blunt, I’m attracted to you. I’m woman enough to say I’d like to follow that attraction to its logical conclusion. Just healthy sex, no strings.”
He didn’t need to know her emotions were surging all over the place. That was her problem, her responsibility. She could keep her mushy feelings well away from the need blazing between them. It was entirely possible this blaze would burn that emotion to cinders, anyway.
“That sounds cold.” He stalked over to the door but didn’t leave. On an oath, he turned back and she saw his arousal straining against the fly of his jeans. There was nothing emotional about her response to that view. Her mouth watered and heat pooled between her thighs.
“You wanted poetry?” she asked. “Being coy has never been my strong suit.”
“I’m just a messed-up cowboy.” He pushed a hand through his hair. “You’re a model.”
“I’m a woman. If you’re messed up, I’m a wreck,” she said. “But I’m honest. I want you.”
“You deserve the best, Mia.” He sounded so sincere. “You deserve rings and promises from a man who believes family is a functional institution.”
The pain underscoring his words was like a knife in her chest. “What do you mean?”
“I barely remember what a healthy family looks like. The three of us were dumped on an aunt who was forced to step up because that’s what ‘family’ does. She didn’t want to call us hers any more than Payne Colton wants to claim us. Family is obligation and responsibility and I can’t—I can’t give you that.”
“Jarvis. Whatever you’re thinking, stop and hear me.” She took a cautious step closer. “When you kiss me, I feel like me again. When you touch me, I don’t feel afraid or frumpy. That’s a gift, a treasure. And right now, that’s plenty. It’s probably all I can handle. I’m not going to fall in love over a kiss and demand an exclusive, permanent relationship.”
She was fairly sure that was a lie. She had the sense that Jarvis would be easy to love, either on the rebound or for forever. Thank goodness she’d learned to control her facial expressions during her modeling career.
He dropped his head back, staring at the ceiling. “I didn’t mean to insult you or overreact or whatever the hell it is I’m doing.”
She moved around the table and pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “Stay if you want. I won’t attack you in your sleep.”
“Same.”
She heard his boots against the floor as he walked away from the door. “I feel weird kissing you, knowing I’m going out with Selina in a few days.”
That admission might be closer to the real issue, but she sensed there was more, something twisted up with his pessimistic views about family. She hadn’t expected dating as a single mother to be easy. Hadn’t anticipated that she would be this intensely attracted to any man so soon. Maybe Jarvis could help her more by giving her a reality check about her hopes for her future.
“Not that it means anything.” He slid into a chair at the table. “She was very clear that my only purpose is to look good and be into her, so she can make Regina jealous. As if I’d be tempted to stick around.” His nose wrinkled and his lip curled as if he’d tasted something sour.
Mia laughed at his absurd expression and the baby jerked in his sleep but relaxed again. She sat opposite him, doing her best not to stare. “Your charm and flirtation skills must be off the charts.”
“I have my strengths.” He winked and her belly quivered.
“You do,” she agreed. It was a challenge to sit and talk when only minutes ago he had her body throbbing and speechless, but this seemed to be what he needed. And she wasn’t ready to be alone.
“Being around Selina is like trying to walk a rattlesnake.” His amusement turned somber. “There’s a woman who made the right choice by not having kids.”
