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“Hey, J-man.” I pick him up and allow his tight hug around my neck to relax me a bit. “I’m just here to talk to your mom for a few minutes.”
“Elias.”
My gaze meets hers, which is surprised, but also very worried. “Can I talk to you?”
“Yeah, of course.”
I set Jackson down on his feet.
“Come back inside, Jackson,” Henry tells him as Raelynn walks past them.
Looks like we’re having this conversation outside. As soon as the door closes behind her, I take her hand and lead her to my car. We get in and I crank the car, turning on the heat.
“How’d you know where I was?” she whispers.
“Mom found a copy of your hotel reservations on the floor of your bedroom, but they told me you canceled this morning. Who else do you know here?” She nods. “Why are you here, Raelynn? Why were you going to stay at a hotel? Why aren’t you at home with Bree and me?”
“Did your mom tell you that Jackson told Bree he loved her yesterday?” she asks with her gaze on the front door.
Her question stuns me. Because it’s not an answer, I didn’t know that, and I’m not sure what that has to do with her not spending Christmas with us. “Is that a bad thing?” I ask since I can’t read how she feels about it.
“Of course not.” She turns her head to look at me, showing her sincerity.
“Why did Jackson ask if he was going home when he saw me?” Maybe we need to start small.
She sighs. “He misses you and Bree. He wants to go home.”
I want to smile because that means Jackson is finally truly comfortable in my house, but if she’s here because she wants Jackson to spend time with his father, smiling seems wrong. “So why aren’t you there, Raelynn? Just explain it to me and I’ll go home.”
Her gaze slides away again until she’s staring out of her window. “It’s too much,” she whispers. “For five years, every Christmas I’ve spent only with Jackson. If it was only you and Bree, then that would be okay, I think. But the idea of being there with your entire family, especially after I pissed your mom off? And she only thinks I’m your nanny, so sleeping in your bed isn’t going to work, Elias. It would’ve been off the charts awkward.” She glances at me. “I’ve expanded my world enough, don’t you think?”
Shit. This is partly my fault. “How did you piss her off?” Let me get that out of the way first.
“I asked her if she was okay with keeping Bree until you got home and she let me know she was capable of watching her granddaughter.” Her face winces as she recounts that tidbit.
“Don’t worry about that, Raelynn.” I take her hand in between mine and rub my hands over them as if she could still be cold. “I planned to tell my family about us while they are here, so it would’ve worked out. Derek already knows, actually.” Her eyes widen in surprise at this. I release her hand to grab the lever and push my seat even further back. Not much further it can go, but I want a bit more room. I take her hand and tug. “Come here for a second. It feels like there’s an ocean between us.”
She’s small enough that she has no trouble crawling over the center console and straddles my lap, her hands resting on my chest. “You’re disappointed in me, aren’t you? I mean, my five-year-old has been able to let more people in than I have. I don’t know what it is about this holiday, but the thought makes me uncomfortable, Elias.”
I cup her cheeks. “I’m not disappointed, Raelynn. I only want to understand, so I can help. Staying here with Henry can’t be more fun than staying with me, can it?” I kiss her cheek, then the other, her forehead, and finally her mouth.
“It hasn’t been too bad so far,” she mumbles against my lips. “He practically begged me to stay so he can spend this time with Jackson. He’s been behaving.”
“Are you really kissing me and talking about Henry?”
She laughs, but her mood quickly sobers. “I’m sorry for lying to you, but it seemed easier than telling you I couldn’t stand the thought of spending Christmas with your family.”
I smile. “Does this mean you’re not coming home with me?”
She rests her forehead on my shoulder. “I don’t know.”
“I really want you to meet Derek.” She remains silent, so I add, “How can I convince you?”
“I already told Jackson we were staying here,” she says.
“And he told you he wants to go home.”
She shakes her head a little. “It’s a little mind-blowing that your house is our home,” she whispers.
