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It kills me when she says things like that, but I know what she means. I've seen it firsthand. I want to ask her why she didn't tell me about her birthday. Instead, I ask where her key is as we reach her door. She reaches into her bra and I remember how she did that when that prick had her up against her door that one night.
“Safest place,” she says, handing it to me.
I hold her against me and unlock the door. “Fredrick, we're just going to lay them in her bed and then we're leaving.”
“Okay.”
“You know,” Ryan starts. “I could have fucked four different guys tonight. Four.”
I clench my jaw as we get the girls into bed. “Oh yeah?”
“Yep. But I didn't,” she sings, shaking a finger at me. “I'm supposed to be behaving, and I would have felt bad. Because of you, Gabe. Are you mad?”
We pull the covers over them. They look ridiculous in their costumes while they lay in bed. Viv has already passed out. Fredrick leaves wordlessly.
“No, I'm not mad,” I answer.
“I didn't tell you about my birthday. Are you mad about that?” Ryan squints her eyes, pulling her brows together as she frowns, looking worried over the possibility that I might be upset with her.
I lean down and kiss her forehead. “No, not mad. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?”
She nods, already drifting to sleep. I set her key down on the coffee table and then lock her door from the inside before leaving. She said she didn't sleep with anyone, her four available guys, but it still bothers me. We haven't declared exclusivity to each other or anything. The simple thought of how she had been pursued by someone other than me tonight is irritating. And not just one person. Four people. I know her better than them, right? She talks to me, tells me about the more serious things in her life. That means something, doesn't it?
Or am I once again trusting a girl, expecting her to be one way, when she's really the opposite? No, I don't believe that. On some level, I think we both know she's mine. She said herself that she didn't sleep with those guys because of me. I still think that it's too soon for her to meet my mother, but I've hated that I haven't been around her much lately. I've missed her honestly. I wish she would have told me about her birthday. Is it because her parents ruined that for her as well? That doesn't explain why she wouldn't have told me, though. Maybe I've just been too busy, so she didn't mention it.
Ryan is on my mind for the rest of my shift. I'm so ready to see her tomorrow, especially after seeing her tonight.
* * *
It's three in the afternoon when I come to stand outside of Ryan's apartment, knocking on her door. Her hair is thrown up in a high ponytail, and she's wearing black sweats with a blue hoodie. She groans when she see me.
“Sorry, Gabe,” she says when I raise an eyebrow at her. “But seeing you means I wasn't imagining last night. C'mon in.” Ryan steps aside so I can walk inside.
“You remember?”
“Unfortunately.” Ryan sits down on the couch, and I sit next to her. “Which are you most upset about? That I was so drunk I didn't even know we didn't take my car and that I shouldn't have been drinking because I'm underage? The four boys I could have slept with? That I didn't tell you about my birthday? Or what about the fact that I embarrassed you in front of your partner? All of the above?” She glances at me nervously.
Yeah, the boys irk me, but that isn't what bothers me the most. “Your birthday. Why didn't you tell me, Ryan?”
She shrugs. “It's just another day, Gabe.”
I pick up her hand that's resting in her lap. “C'mere.” Once I've tugged her into my lap with her sitting sideways, I continue. “It's not 'just another day'. It's your birthday and a big one too. The great 2-0, no longer a teenager.”
Ryan seems confused. “Why does it matter? You were working, so you wouldn't have been able to celebrate with me. Hell, I wasn't really celebrating by birthday anyway. I was dressed and partying because it was Halloween.”
For a moment, all I can manage is a frown. Before I can speak, Ryan nudges her shoulder against mine.
“Shouldn't we be having hot sex right now? I haven't seen you in forever.”
Just the mention of how long it's been since we've had sex, makes my dick hard, and Ryan grins. I shake my head to force those thoughts away. “No. We shouldn't.” Ryan loses her smile. “What's wrong with your birthday, Ryan?”
She tenses, wrung tightly like that day her mother was here. Ryan gets up, walks to the door, and opens it, thoroughly confusing me. Her voice has no fight whatsoever in it. She sounds tired, really. “Just get the hell out. Please.”
What am I missing? “Ryan,” I start as I get up, but she cuts me off.
“Leave, Gabe. I was drunk and honestly, I wish I had never told you it was my birthday. Forget about it. Once you have, then you are more than welcome to come find me.” She sweeps her arm dramatically to the outside, impatient that I haven't left yet. I'm stunned in place. “Gabe,” she painfully whispers. “Please.”
I search her eyes for clues, but she's closed off more than ever. Ryan is nowhere to be found in those green depths. I don't know if I should leave or demand her to tell me what's going on. The seconds pass as I stand here, and I know that her fierce exterior is chipping away bit by bit.
